Let’s not rush to pronounce judgment on others before first looking at ourselves in the mirror.
I agree that what Kanhaiya Kumar and his associates did at JNU is debatable, questionable and condemnable. I also agree that the way the Modi Sarkar is handling the issue is debatable, questionable and condemnable. I agree further that Rajdeep Sardesai’s definition of who may be an ‘anti-national’ is set in the context of the political and constitutional debate that rages on in the country.
But what about you and me – the millions on social media who are passing judgment on Kanhaiya, NaMo, Rajdeep and whoever else? How national and patriotic are you and I?
I believe the right way to define a true national and patriot is someone who does not – violate traffic rules, drink and drive, pay a bribe, watch pirated content online, evade taxes, avoid voting, throw garbage on the streets or circumvent the process of law in any manner. I can add a few more criteria but even at the most basic level, a large part of our population will fail on at least one of these fronts. For instance, in Chennai, we have a High Court ruling that bans the riding of two-wheelers – by both the driver and the pillion rider – without helmets. And yet everyone, including my own daughter, rides without a helmet. We have a High Court ruling again in Chennai saying autos must ply by metered fare only. But neither do auto-drivers follow that ruling, nor do we users follow it – including me, everyone pays over the meter. So, technically, we are flouting the law, aren’t we? I must confess I have paid bribes – to Train Ticket Examiners, to traffic cops, postmen and linemen from BSNL and the Electricity Board – in a past Life. I don’t both have the means or the intent any more to pay bribes but that does not absolve me of my anti-national past. And, sadly, most Indians watch pirated movie content online. In every way that tantamounts to stealing of intellectual property – simply, it is theft. And that’s a crime as defined by a designated law in our country.
If all this isn’t anti-national, what is? We have this very glorified, holier-than-thou attitude which makes us believe that anyone acting against the interests of the country in matters concerning national secrets or acts of violence alone is ant-national. Any action against national interest – in any respect – is anti-national. Period. So, if you don’t dispose of your garbage responsibly – which 99 % Indian’s don’t do – you are anti-national. If you drink and drive – which most Indians almost always do – you are anti-national. If you pay a bribe – which every Indian does – you are anti-national. If you don’t wear a seat belt and/or speak on your mobile while driving, you are endangering your Life and the lives of several others – and that, clearly, is being anti-national!
Truly, therefore, in some manner or the other, every Indian, wittingly or unwitting, acts against the interests of India. It is because of our collective lack of righteousness that our country’s poor continue to get poorer, that our politicians continue to be more brazen and corrupt and our country wallows (continuously) in the cesspool of ‘developing nations’.
In the Bowl of Saki, a guide for everday living, Hazrat Inayat Khan (1882~1927), teacher of Universal Sufism, says: “We are very good lawyers for our own mistakes, but very good judges for the mistakes of others.” What he means is that we must stop justifying (advocating) our actions and judging others and instead judge ourselves first. So, my dear fellow anti-nationals, let’s stop opinionating and preaching on social media. Be it Kanhaiya or NaMo or Rajdeep or whoever, let’s look into the mirror first!
We must completely avoid judging, or at least opining and commenting on, the lives of people whose path we have never walked.
Photo Courtesy: The Hindu/Internet
Our good friend, the acclaimed writer and poet, Shreekumar Varma was abducted last fortnight in Senegal, in Western Africa. He has since been freed and is hopefully back home in Chennai. Shreekumar had, it appears, been to Senegal to sell an original painting of Raja Ravi Varma. Interestingly, Shreekumar also hails from Raja Ravi Varma’s family. The story of his abduction broke a couple of days ago in India and his subsequent release has been going viral on social media. What baffles me is the way people are judgmental about Shreekumar and his predicament.
Some of the questions being asked or judgments being pronounced are:
Shreekumar was a fool to be lured to Senegal to sell an original Ravi Varma painting
Know someone’s story before you comment on them. Better still, look at yourself in the mirror, and appraise yourself, before you pass judgment.
The gravest mistake that we make as human beings is to comment on other people’s lives without knowing their stories. Yet we do it so often. Because it is a free world. Free for interpretation. Free to comment. Free to opinionate. Free to pass judgment. So we all exercise that freedom with complete, often reckless, abandon. And with impunity.
Therefore, a person who has never paid taxes or voted or managed a team or led an organization, will gleefully opinionate on how the country’s Prime Minister must lead and govern. A wife beating husband will talk about morality and women’s rights. Someone who downloads and watches pirated movies online will support a questionable movement against corruption and champion honesty in public. A woman who has been through a divorce and living single will be seen as ‘available’. And someone following his bliss, and therefore standing his ground by not running the corporate rat race, will be seen as ‘wasting his youth and messing up his career’. Each of us is guilty of this crime. I too have committed it in the past. We see someone drive up in a big car, we say, “Filthy rich fella…” We see a man in rags on the street, we conclude, “Beggar.” We don’t pause to think. We don’t care__or even__want to know these people. We only want to presume and opine. And what about the people we know? We don’t want to trust them. So, if someone is saying or doing something we don’t like, we don’t want to know them better or understand them. We just want to opine again. Randomly.
Some years ago, owing to all the frequent travel that I has to undertake, I found myself being upgraded to business class, at the boarding gate, on a domestic flight by the airline’s loyalty program. It so happened that a friend that I had borrowed money from__those were the years early on in the bankruptcy of my Firm__also was on the same flight. And he was in economy class. My friend who was chatting me up prior to boarding refused to see eye to eye with me once we boarded. Upon arrival at our destination, he walked away pretending he didn’t see me. I sent him a text saying it was good seeing him. He didn’t reply. A few weeks later I received a lawyer’s notice saying my friend demanded that I pay back his money. The crux of the argument was that ‘if I had the money to spend on a business class ticket, I surely had the money to repay him’. I did not even engage a lawyer__I could not afford one__but replied to the notice saying a client had paid for my economy ticket and the upgrade had happened as a matter of rote and circumstance and not by my engineering or special design! My friend proceeded to sue me in a court. And I said the same thing in court as well, breaking down as I said it. The judge implored us both to settle the matter out of court. My friend was appalled. He met me outside and I pleaded for his understanding. I showed him documents that demonstrated how bad the business had gotten. And how we were even struggling for our living expenses. He listened to me patiently. He apologized for his conduct and walked away. Now, had he cared to understand me even when we were boarding the flight together, we wouldn’t have needed to be in a courtroom.
That episode has led me to transform and to resolve never to judge or comment on anybody. The learning is two-fold for all of us: 1. We all behave like my friend some time or the other. 2. We all must realize that we behave so because we don’t trust people around us. The only way we can and must live our lives is by never passing judgment or opinionating on someone or something unless we have to and only if we know the full story. We must learn to understand and appreciate people’s stories and predicaments first. Accept that people, despite what we see as apparent, can be going through a difficult or challenging phase in their lives. Love people for who they are rather than for what they should be or will be or were. Remember: every beating heart has a story to tell. Know that story before you shoot off your mouth!
Don’t judge anyone unless you have walked their path.
Judging people comes easily to all of us. And at times we judge people about whose lives we have no idea. We just go with popular opinion – either agreeing or disagreeing with it – while passing judgments about such people. I believe each of us must develop a responsible and compassionate attitude towards others instead of being reckless or fickle.
I have a confession to make. I am not a fan of Chetan Bhagat. Not because I have read his book(s) and ended up not liking what he wrote or his style. I simply chose to not be his fan because there were many I knew – some of whom had read his work(s) – who disliked him. My opinion of Chetan Bhagat was an acquired one and not based on personal experiences or preferences. This opinion was acquired way back in the 2004~2005 timeframe when Five Point Someone was released. I was definitely not as evolved as I am today, back then. I have never read Five Point Someone, till now, though I understand (having been told so by some of his die-hard fans) that it is Bhagat’s finest work to date. Over the years, even as Bhagat’s stature and popularity grew immensely, somehow I preferred to ignore every time Bhagat the person, his work, or his columns, popped up around me – on TV, in the papers, in social conversations, on social media and such. “Chetan Bhagat, no, thank you,” would be my sub-conscious, even pre-meditated, response each time.
|Picture Courtesy: India Today/Internet|
And then, this week, the latest issue of India Today hit me! I have worked for the magazine in the 90s and I know that if my former boss, and India Today Editor-in-Chief, Aroon Purie, clears a story to go on the cover, it – the subject or the person – has to have some serious merit. The magazine has changed a lot since I left the India Today Group in 1995, but I know it still stays rooted to some strong values and principles. And what hit me this week is that Chetan Bhagat is on the magazine’s cover! I read the story written by Mini Kapoor completely. I am not going to comment on the quality of the story or the pictures or the layout. I am simply going to share what I learnt from it – from understanding Bhagat’s Life and his path to success as a writer, better.
My learnings could not have come at a more opportune time. Just this past month, in August 2014, Westland published and released my first Book – “Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money”. As a first-time author, I am trying to understand how publishing works, how the book trade works, how a book is distributed, what drives people to pick up a book, what kind of people read the kind of book I have written – these are just some of too many angles to consider while you work towards your book going out, reaching people, touching their lives and, hopefully, making a difference. Even as I am grappling with these aspects, I read Kapoor’s cover story on Bhagat in India Today. I just realized that in a decade-long career as a published author his books have sold eight million copies! I knew he was a banker who had kicked his white-collar job to follow his bliss as a writer, but I had never paused to understand why he did that. Now I know that it was a phase of darkness in his professional career that impelled him to write, to share and to express himself. I saw a parallel there to my Book’s birth – it came in the throes of our Firm’s bankruptcy and our personal cashless situation. I read his interview in the magazine and was impressed with his vision for being a change agent – by using his connect with young Indians, to invite them to be the change that we so urgently need to see in India. I could relate to his sentiments about changing India completely. Thanks to what I read, and what I internalized, my respect for Chetan Bhagat just went up several, several notches.
I may perhaps never be his fan in that sense – because I don’t read fiction much. But I read the excerpt of Half Girlfriend, that India Today has carried, and I felt his story-telling is good and he caters to the reading-ability and the social sensitivity of his target audience well. I paused to reflect and ask myself why was I not willing to even consider Bhagat’s existence until now? And why this sudden transformation in my attitude towards him? That’s when I realized that I had just been swept by popular opinion and I had been, I must admit, judgmental. Without reason, without a personal experience. In my Book too, in the context of our Life, I have championed the need to stay away from judging anyone unless we have been on the same path that they are on. Only when I turned an author and got on to the road, on which Bhagat is several light years ahead, I realized how challenging his own journey must have been and I truly understood the value he has created for those people who have read his works.
Every time an urge to judge someone or pass a random – often rabid – opinion arises in us, let us pause and ask ourselves – Do we know them? Do we know their story? Have we been on the same road, the same journey as them? Do we have a personal experience with them that substantiates the opinion that we are beginning to see form in us? This is one way I am learning to stop being judgmental about people. And at such times when I do have a personal experience driving my opinion, I still ensure that I keep my sentiments to myself or I share it with the person concerned. This is how, I believe, we can make our world a better place for all of us to live and thrive peacefully!
One of the most important principles to simplify your Life is not to imagine things about other people.
More so, when you haven’t seen something for yourself. And you are going purely basis what you perceive things to be or what others have told you. This simply means don’t form opinions about people basis what you imagine them to be or what others have shared as their perceptions. For all you know, all that you have heard and imagined may be completely untrue! And just in case you have seen something and your opinion stems from whatever evidence, visual, definitive, empirical or otherwise you possess, forgive them for having value systems different from yours or for behaving differently from your expectations of them. Know that no person is good or bad. All of us are a product of the time that we go through. Someone behaves in a manner that you find peculiar or unacceptable only because he or she does not find it either peculiar or unacceptable! If he or she thought like you, they would not behave so. If this person is someone close to you, try counseling. If counseling doesn’t work, let go. Let that person learn from time. Keep sending positive energy and pray for the person’s awakening.
This is the simplest way to ensuring you are anchored in peace. When you are peaceful, clarity of thought will emerge, which, in turn, will help you deal with the situation or the person, or both, better. When you are succumbing to your perceptions or are getting agitated over the evidence you have against someone, you will encounter agony. More frustration and clouded thinking will cause you to be in disharmony with your natural state of peace and joy.
So, whether the person who you disapprove of and disagree with over opinion, ideology or behavior, is a spouse, a sibling, parent or child, colleague or neighbor or a public figure, never pass judgment. Don’t enjoin in gossip. Don’t agonize assuming things about people. Just let go. Let time teach and heal. Send positive energy. That’s the surest way to staying peaceful and happy!