Happiness overflows only when you are peaceful within.
I recently had to communicate to a long-term business associate of ours that we were moving away from them. I started my conversation saying, “What I am about to tell you may not be something you would like to hear. You may not even agree with me. But I have to say what I have to say. So, please bear with me until I finish what I have to tell you.”
The conversation went well. And we ended up parting ways.
I have always found that it is best to say what you feel about someone, about something, up front. Telling the truth as it is, speaking my mind as I feel, has never worked against me. Of course, it sometimes makes the situation tense, it makes the other person uncomfortable and sometimes it ends up rupturing the relationship. But then I have learnt not to protect any relationship at the cost of my inner peace. So, if someone can’t understand me when I say I have a problem with them, too bad for both of us. But I am not one to sugarcoat or hide how I am feeling. The moment I realize that I am uncomfortable, I raise a red flag. I call for a resolution. If it works, great. If not, then I feel it is best for either party to be left alone.
Now, such an approach does not mean you have to be bitter. The whole idea is to better the experience with the other person. The only reason why you are even bringing up the issue is because the situation discomforts you. So at the end of discussing what makes you uncomfortable you must feel better that a. you have got the load off your chest and b. you have told the other person how you like to experience them. But, as someone asked me the other day, what if the other person ends up being bitter? My response: that’s a choice that the other person is exercising; it is beyond your control, so, why do you want to think about it?
I feel far too many opportunities to speak up and heal yourself is squandered by you in a lifetime. This is so true of all of us. The justification you try to give yourself is that you don’t want to hurt the sentiments of someone who is making you uncomfortable in the first place, by their behavior, by their presence, by their utterances. I find it weird. So, you are okay with suffering in silence but you fight shy of seizing an opportunity to liberate yourself by speaking honestly?
If you think about it, if someone cannot take constructive feedback or be willing to understand why something must be repaired in a relationship or be ready to end one so that both of you can be at peace, then such a person, such a relationship, does not deserve your time and attention. Simple. This can be a boss, subordinate, spouse, parent, sibling or neighbor. Whoever it is, whatever may be the issue, the moment you feel uncomfortable, raise a red flag and say it as it is. I will discourage two approaches though – diplomacy and rudeness; neither delivers results! You don’t have to beat round the bush or be abrasive. Just be honest. Period. Once you have spoken, go with the flow of the outcome. Don’t analyze. Don’t chew on what happened. Just examine how you are feeling. You will feel better and you will feel free! Celebrate how you are feeling. That feeling is happiness – and it overflows only when you are most peaceful within you!
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