Sometimes, you can’t unentangle a web unless the master-weaver awakens!

If things don’t work out the way as they should, it is perhaps best to let go and let everything – and everyone – just be!!
Angel Glady and Sunil Menon in conversation with Vaani and AVIS
This weekend has been more than interesting. Vaani and I have led a public conversation with people who have a special orientation. This is part of a non-commercial, by-invitation-only Event Series called ‘Heart of Matter – Happiness Conversations’ that we host quarterly in partnership with InKo Centre. Last evening, we had renowned fashion designer Sunil Menon and theatre artist Angel Glady as our guests – it was a conversation that was intimate, intense, thought-provoking and awakening. It helped people in the audience reflect on their idea of happiness and invited them to turn unequivocally inclusive. Elsewhere in the city, my brother, a well-known theatre director and entertainment industry coach, staged a production that had actors with special abilities perform in it. His production, I am told, championed inclusiveness too and was highly, critically, acclaimed. Isn’t it beautiful that both brothers, supported by their spouses, are doing work that’s meaningful, in the same city, on the same weekend? Yet, what makes this rare coincidence ironical too is that we brothers don’t speak to each other!!! We haven’t connected in several years now. We remain strung, clinging on to our own positions, in a web of deceit, manipulation and self-obsession that has been cast by someone else. A third sibling, our sister, is strung from somewhere on the web too. We all live in the same city and yet we can never quite figure out a way out of this web. I have made attempts in the past, to unentangle this mess, but I have found myself getting stung, not just strung, every single time. So, I have let it all go. Concluding that perhaps the best thing to happen for all of us is for us to be where we are, the way we are; but being happy, at peace with ourselves, in spite of ourselves and each other!

Sometimes your Life’s design is so intricately constructed by a web of actions that someone has woven that you end up just being a helpless victim! But you have a choice to not feel like a victim – just let go and let everything – and everyone – just be! And sometimes this is the way Life has to be lived. There are no hard and fast rules in Life. There is no guarantee that all homes and families will be the same. We all have to do what we have to do. If in some cases, like in mine, things don’t work out the way they should, it is best to just be. For, if you are not weaving the web, how can you ever hope to unentangle it unless the master-weaver awakens? 

You suffer only when you partner with your grief

How can anyone forgive when in grief and when still mourning the betrayal?
It is possibly true for all of us that we have all been, at some time or the other, let down by people whom we trusted and loved deeply. It is always numbing to discover such a let-down. You will feel beaten and betrayed. The after-taste of the episode will continue to haunt you for a long, long time. At all such times, remember this: People do what they do because they think they are right in doing it that way. So, there’s no point in either talking sense to them in such a time that they are gripped by their own stupor or in grieving over their behavior. The best approach is to take the one that Jesus took on the Cross – “Forgive them O! Lord, because they know not, what they do!”
You will perhaps argue that this is easier said than done. How can anyone move on when the heart aches, when the mind is lamenting why such a thing has happened in the first place?
I have learned that it is fine to be a fool sometimes in Life. A fool is one who doesn’t know anything. He or she is not worldy-wise. So, he or she, will continue to trust despite the evidence pointing to the contrary. The fact that you stand betrayed points to your having been a fool. So, simple. Continue being a fool. If you find forgiveness difficult, just continue being trusting or being vulnerable. A few more times people will continue to hurt you. But they will soon give up when they realize that you are refusing to get hurt. People love, in a sadistic sense, to see that their actions, in this case negatively, impact their target audience. When you subtly, through your, even if feigned, foolishness, deny them that pleasure, they will cease to persist with their designs.
The other case for ‘moving on’ and not ‘retaliating’ is that the world is already divided. By several zillion factors. If it is a close friend or relation, perhaps from the family, that has let you down, your sulking or wanting to avenge, is only going to divide your already fractured world further. It is only going to make the distances between you both grown wider, and often, render them unbridgeable. It takes two hands to clap. Suppose you don’t offer yours, there will be no thunder. And hence no issue. Or at least a complicated situation will not get further confounded with your participation.
Here’s an interesting story that came my way.
“In the forest there is a banana plant with its smooth wide leaves next to the thorny berry tree. The wind causes both to dance and to sway. The thorns of the berry tree rip the leaves of the banana plant. 

Who is to be blamed? The wind for causing them to sway?

Or the banana for growing close to the berry tree?

Or the berry tree for having thorns? 

The sage wonders, and realizes that if he did not exist, these notions of who to blame would not exist. Only humans blame and begrudge and resent, because we can imagine an alternate reality. 

The rest of Nature go about their own business.”

So, let go. Go about your own business as if nothing’s happened. In a betrayal, as in any other situation involving pain, you suffer only because you choose to partner with your grief. Choose instead to be a fool and go on trusting or choose to believe as if you do not exist. Know that there is no alternate reality. It is what it is. This the only way you can be happy, and untouched, in the wake of the pain that follows let-downs!

Drop your sense of self-importance, just be!

You have to do nothing to take care of your Life. Actually, Life has always been taking care, is taking care, and will take care of you!
At a coffee shop the other day, two friends were catching up at a table that was very close to mine. I was immersed in checking Facebook on my phone. But something one of them said to the other caught my attention. He said, “My Life is not in my hands anymore. I have to take care of my family, my parents, my sister who is going through a divorce, and I have to work by butt off trying to achieve my targets at work. It is insane, but I am no longer living my Life. I am constantly running, earning, providing for and serving others. I feel so lost, so overworked, so stressed – all the time!”
Many of us may well be in this person’s position. We may have the same feeling that we seem to be alive only so that we can provide for other people. And perhaps we are tired of such an existence. Some may even be suffering. To be sure, this is a very natural feeling when we are overwhelmed by the challenges we face and the responsibilities that we carry.
The way to deal with this situation, if you are feeling this way, is to stop giving yourself too much importance. A fundamental belief that comes in the way of our living our lives fully, totally, is the view that we have to take care of ourselves and of others ‘dependent’ on us. There’s this huge protector-provider role that we all have self-imposed upon ourselves. Or a better way to say it is that we have self-assumed this role. And so we go about our lives obsessed with an avoidable sense of self-importance. We believe every problem around us needs our immediate, urgent attention__and resolution. That everything from money to succor, in our immediate circle of influence, must be provided for by us. And when it doesn’t happen that way, as it often may not, we feel something’s wrong with us, or with creation, or both and so we grieve, agonize and suffer!
Osho, the Master, says, and only he could have said it so well: “If the whole existence is one, and if existence goes on taking care of trees, of animals, of mountains, of oceans__from the smallest blade of grass to the biggest star__then it will take care of you too. Once you have started seeing the beauty of Life, ugliness starts disappearing. If you start looking at Life with joy, sadness starts disappearing. You cannot have heaven and hell together, you can have only one. It is your choice.”

So observe what’s causing you stress just now. And let it go. Let go of your self-assumed need to be problem-solver, protector and provider. Instead just be. And then you will discover that creation will take care of you, and all that you call your own.