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Tag: Compassion

Manohar Devadoss’ Life is his message

No matter what the context of your Life is, no matter how challenging the situation is, you always have the choice to be happy despite the circumstances.

4-min read

To my soulmate Vaani and me, Manohar Devadoss personified love, compassion, courage, dignity and a deep, hearty, full-of-Life, laughter!

We will always remember him for those amazing, exceptional, qualities.

As I write this tribute, his funeral is underway. He passed on a couple of days ago. He was 86.

To many, he was a rare artist, who, despite his failing eyesight for decades, and his eventual blindness some years ago, created extraordinary works of art. To others, he was Mahema’s lover and companion, until she passed on in 2008. To many others, he was an exceptional human being and a very dear friend.

Love in action

Mano, to Vaani and me, was always loving. The magnificence of his love shone in his tight hugs. Each time we met him, he would immediately embrace both of us together, his big whiskers brushing against our faces. He literally poured his heart into that embrace every single time.  And he would exclaim heartily: “AVIS, Vaani, how are you both?” That moment always oozed authenticity. It wasn’t just another soulless, matter-of-fact, greeting. It was love in action. It was what being loving truly is.

Genuine, deep, compassion

His compassion too was genuine. It was expansive, limitless and deep like the oceans.

When Vaani and I first met him, in September 2015, he was very moved by hearing the story of our enduring bankruptcy. He complimented us for being the happynesswalasTM and for living a Life of purpose – Inspiring ‘Happyness’ TM! He had someone read out my book Fall Like A Rose Petal to him. And in November 2015, in an edition of our conversation series, the happyness conversationsTM, where he was our guest, he empathetically remarked: “I am not sure my pain of not being able to see and of having lost my companion Mahema is bigger, or your pain of continuing to deal with a crippling financial situation is bigger.” This ability to feel another’s pain and place it higher than your own is rare. That is true compassion.

During one of our visits to his home in Santhome, he served us his signature salad, Tulsania. He chose to serve us salad only because he knew we were on a diet. Now, he did not have someone make the salad for us. He went to the grocer’s on the morning of our visit and bought the ingredients for the salad himself. And he tossed up the salad, with lettuce and walnuts, in a fresh homemade mayo dressing. He insisted on serving his preparation to us. And he served us a couple of helpings. There is an Urdu word for hospitality called khatirdari. It defines the act of serving a guest with compassion. In being served by him, and while savoring his preparation, we experienced Mano’s legendary khatirdari.

Remarkable ability to face Life’s upheavals undauntedly

It was his remarkable ability to face Life undauntedly that guided and shaped his journey, even without normal eyesight and, over time, despite total blindness.

His entire Life is evidence of this ability.

Mahema and Mano married in 1963. They lived together for 45 years. She passed away in 2008. Of these 45 years, Mahema lived with quadriplegia for 35 years; a devastating accident had rendered her quadriplegic in December 1972. Around the same time, Mano began to have progressive, degenerative, eyesight; this eventually led to total blindness. Yet, Mano cared for Mahema, diligently, compassionately, for all those 35 years! If Shahjahan built the Taj Mahal for his beloved, Mano ensured – though his love for her, his practical thinking, his toiling – that Mahema lived through those 35 years, unable to use her limbs, without a single bedsore! He also anchored himself to stay strong, alongside Mahema, as they raised their beautiful daughter Sujatha in the midst of their individual, physically debilitating, conditions. And, for over 14 years, since Mahema’s passing, Mano lived alone. He led a dignified, purposeful Life, being immersed in his art, his writing and in his public work. “There is no point in moping and mourning about the challenges that Life throws at you. We must learn to laugh at ourselves, at our situation, and at Life itself,” he told us, when we had a conversation with him in June 2016. Excerpts from this conversation are due to appear in my forthcoming book, The Happyness Road.  

Mano and Mahema – together again!

His laughter had a spiritual quality

All through that conversation, which lasted a couple of hours, Mano laughed full-heartedly. He laughed even when he recalled all the upheavals that he had experienced in Life. Over many interactions with him in these past few years, Mano’s laughter, to us, became a part of his identity. In fact, if you have met him and experienced his laughter, you can hear him laugh even in most pictures of him. Vaani and I have often felt that his laughter had a spiritual quality. It was wholesome, honest and conveyed a deep understanding of what Life really is. It reflected a unique celebration of Life: Of its inscrutability, of its impermanence and of its suchness!

AVIS-on-Happyness
Vaani, Mano and AVIS, June 2016. Picture by Vinodh Velayudhan.

An embodiment of courage

Mano’s true religion, we believe, was courage. He practiced living each moment fully, courageously.

Now, courage is not necessarily evident only in popular acts of physical valor. Courage is certainly not the absence of fear either. The ability to look fear in the eye, to stand up to what scares you, is courage. So, being able to face Life’s upheavals, without giving up, without becoming bitter, is courage. Being able to withstand pain, while choosing to not suffer from it, is courage. Choosing to immerse yourself in what you love doing, when darkness engulfs you – in Mano’s case, there was physical darkness too, given his impaired eyesight – is courage. To let go, and to flow with Life, is courage. Being useful, even when you can’t be successful in a worldly sense, is courage. To live a Life of love, compassion, dignity and cheer, despite constant pain, despite enduring constraints, is courage. To laugh at yourself, at your situation, and at Life, is courage! To be happy, to be non-worrying, non-frustrated and non-suffering, despite the circumstances, is courage.

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Surely, being Manohar Devadoss was never easy. Pain has been so integral to his Life’s journey for 50 years. Yet, he just kept flowing with Life, accepting it for what it is, and never once, feeling either self-pity or bitterness. There’s a word in Tamil called thunivu that personifies courage through human action. For Vaani and me, Mano’s Life will always remain an embodiment of thunivu.

Mano’s kind of courage is rare. It is quiet. But it is unputdownable, it is unmissable. It shines bright. And such courage lights up the lives of people who come in contact with those that display it.

This is what happened with Vaani and me too when Mano came into our Life. Our Life illumined with his influence. Which is why we believe his Life is his message – for anyone who wants to pause, reflect and learn how to be happy despite their circumstances.

Additional, relevant, links:

  • Manohar Devadoss.
  • Rise In Love  – a 2015-documentary, made by a young filmmaker Shalu C. While focusing on the journey of Vaani and AVIS, the film explores how love thrives in the face of adversity. Viewing time: 30.18 minutes.
  • Fall Like A Rose Petal  – AVIS’ first book. It is the true story of AVIS’ and Vaani’s Life. It captures learnings from the excruciating, fascinating, Life-changing, experience – a crippling bankruptcy – that they are still going through.
  • Click here to know more about the happynesswalas TM, Vaani and AVIS.
  • If you wish to seek Vaani’s and AVIS’ perspectives on a Life challenge you are faced with, please reach out here – Let’s Talk Happyness TM!
Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on December 9, 2022December 30, 2022Categories Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, Celebrate Life, Companionship, Compassion, Courage, Enlightenment, Equanimity, Face Life, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Happiness, Help Yourself to Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Life, Life Lessons, Pause & Reflect, Peace, Resilience, Spirituality, the happynesswala, the happynesswalas, ZenTags Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS Viswanathan, Bankruptcy, Blindness, Compassion, Courage, Dignity, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Fear, Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Khatirdari, Laughter, Life, Life Lessons, Love, Mahema Devadoss, Manohar Devadoss, Non-frustrated, Non-Suffering, Non-worrying, Pain, Pain Is Inevitable Suffering Is Optional, Quadriplegia, Quadriplegic, Shahjahan, Spinal Cord Injury, Spirituality, Suchness of Life, Suffering, Taj Mahal, the happyness conversations, The Happyness Road, the happynesswala, the happynesswalas, Thunivu, Vaani, Vinodh Velayudhan1 Comment on Manohar Devadoss’ Life is his message

It’s okay to feel vulnerable

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Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on October 1, 2022Format ImageCategories Acceptance, Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS on Leadership, Equanimity, Face Life, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Go with the Flow, Happiness, Help Yourself to Happiness, Intelligent Living, Let Go, Life Lessons, Spirituality, the happynesswala, ZenTags Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS on Leadership, AVIS Viswanathan, Be Vulnerable, Compassion, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Kindness, Life, Love, Milk of Human Kindness, Spirituality, the happynesswala, the happynesswalas, Vulnerability, Vulnerable, Wear Your Life On Your SleeveLeave a comment on It’s okay to feel vulnerable

Wear your Life on your sleeve

AVIS-on-Happyness
Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on March 4, 2021Format ImageCategories AVIS on Happyness, Happiness, Life Lessons, the happynesswalaTags Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS Viswanathan, Be Vulnerable, Compassion, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Life Lessons, Spirituality, the happynesswala, the happynesswalas, Wear Your Life On Your SleeveLeave a comment on Wear your Life on your sleeve

On being authentic

Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on February 2, 2021February 2, 2021Format ImageCategories Happiness, Life Lessons, the happynesswalaTags Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS Viswanathan, Be authentic, Being Human, Blessings, Compassion, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Fear, Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Life Lessons, Spirituality, the happynesswala, the happynesswalasLeave a comment on On being authentic

The Rs.1k Wedding Invite And The Man Who Gave Away Most Of His Wealth

A pompous friend and the modest billionaire Azim Premji help reinforce a key guiding principle in Vaani and me – that the essence of responsible citizenship lies in trusteeship.

This past week, a friend reached out wanting to visit us to invite us to his daughter’s wedding. We requested him to avoid the formality and support our initiative to save paper. So we asked him to send the Invite over WhatsApp. But the gentleman and his wife insisted on coming home. When they handed over the Invite, printed on hot pink paper with gold letters in a ‘custom-designed’ font, our friend said: “Each invitation card has cost us Rs.1000 and surely WhatsApp would not have done justice to our effort. So, we decided to come personally…that way you can see how elaborately we have planned this wedding…it will be the grandest in our family for a long, long time…!”

Even as he made that statement – both verbally and through physically handing over that expensive invitation card – Vaani and I wondered, if each card cost a whopping Rs.1000, then how big, how fat and how wasteful will the actual wedding itself be?

Although Vaani and I don’t see it that way anymore, I concede that weddings are regarded as a socially relevant and important occasion by most families. But do they really need to be pompous events where everything is about outdoing someone else, showing off how much you have and investing in a vulgar, reckless, display of ego, wealth and status?

Thankfully, some of the younger folks we know are leading a change among their families and peers. A few weddings we have been invited to in the last couple of years have been zero-waste affairs; they were bootstrapped and done tastefully with no pomp, with only very close family and friends in attendance.

We believe weddings, if they must be done at all, must focus on making the experience memorable for everyone present while keeping the event a responsible celebration that emphasizes companionship and Happiness. And when everyone wills it so, weddings can certainly be carefully, meaningfully, curated on lower budgets; the money saved can be put to better use – for the couple to travel and see the world or set up a new home or to support a social cause that is seriously starved of resources.

I know it will be a long way before this view is embraced by the majority. But clearly a Rs.1000-a-piece wedding invitation card is avoidable. Surely, you can create beautiful Invites that can be e-mailed or sent over WhatsApp.

Interestingly, again this past week, we were invited to an event where Azim Premji of Wipro was given the Madras Management Association – Amalgamations Group Business Leadership Award for 2019.

Why does the incredibly simple, modest, Premji even need to be feted with an award? This was the thought uppermost on our mind when we arrived at the event.

Azim-Premji-MMA-Amalgamations-BLA-2019
Image Copyright with Original Creator/MMA

But former ICICI Bank Chairman N.Vaghul nailed the reasoning. He said that in a society where values like integrity and trusteeship are almost extinct, where there is a steady decline in responsible conduct of citizenship, the spotlight on Premji’s principled Life can really help showcase the continued relevance of these values. Through telling the story of his Life, of the world-class institutions he has built (in manufacturing, IT and education) and of how much he is giving away (estimated at close to $ 21 billion) to his charity – the Azim Premji Foundation – we are inviting future generations to pause, reflect and, hopefully, embrace his philosophy of trusteeship (which he says is inspired by Mahatma Gandhi).

Vaani and I took away a key learning from Premji’s acceptance speech. He said that there is only so much that a family can consume. The inference clearly is that whatever is available to a family beyond what they require to meet their basic needs may ideally be given away to support someone else’s need to live a dignified Life.

I didn’t miss the irony from the past week as I sat down early this morning to write this Blogpost. The reality of the world – and the times – we live in struck me hard. Surely there are more people around us who believe that making money and showing it all off is the Purpose of Life. They are like our friend  who vainly insists that even the invitation card to his daughter’s wedding must announce his wealth and social status. And, sadly, there are fewer people like Premji, who despite all their wealth, remain grounded and are invested in social good. Which is why I agree with Vaghul. Every time a Premji is celebrated, the message of intelligent living, of compassion, of giving, is celebrated. And given the circus of greed and one-upmanship that we see incessantly playing around us, this celebration of responsible citizenship is critical to inspire people; to invite them to consider living fuller, more meaningful, lives.

The idea of responsible citizenship is not about doing charity when you are asked to do it. I am sure most people out there have enough goodness in them to stand up and be counted when they are asked to contribute. So, that’s not the kind of reactive behavior that I am talking about. Responsible citizenship is about trusteeship.

AVIS-on-Happyness

 

Think of trusteeship like this. You are a trustee of the Life that’s been given to you. And you are a trustee of the planet that you inhabit. So be responsible with how you live and how you use the planet’s resources. Recognize that you need only so much to live and to support your immediate family. Beyond food, clothing, shelter, education, a reasonable healthcare and retirement plan and hi-speed internet connectivity through a smart device, whatever you have, whatever comes your way, give it away. Give, not because you have to give, not because you are asked to give, but give because you want to give. Recognize that just as this human form, this Life, is a gift, every thing, every resource that you acquire in this lifetime, is also given to you. So, be responsible by employing all that you receive for human good, to make the world a better place.

I too will lean on Gandhi to suggest employing a simple principle to make informed, intelligent, decisions when it comes to practising trusteeship (I have tweaked Gandhi’s original thought to make it relatable to our times): “Recall the face of the poorest – economically, emotionally, spiritually – person you have come across and ask yourself if the step you are about to take will benefit this person? Will this person gain from your making this choice? Will it help restore them to a Life of dignity, love and Happiness? If it will, go do what you are planning to do. If it won’t, well, rethink your choice!”

Apply this principle to my friend’s choice to splurge Rs.1000 on that wedding invitation card. Apply it to Premji’s choice to give away $ 21 billion. And apply it to each of your Life choices – from the past, from the present and to those that may come up in the future. And see how beautifully this principle leads you – every single time – to distinguish between want and need; and to do what is right than what appears to be right!

Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on November 23, 2019November 23, 2019Categories AVIS on Happyness, Compassion, Gandhi, Happiness, Inner Peace, Integrity of Purpose, Intelligent Living, Life, Purpose, Responsible Citizenship, Spirituality, UncategorizedTags Art of Giving, Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS Viswanathan, Azim Premji, Azim Premji Foundation, Bhagavad Gita, Charity, Companionship, Compassion, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Gandhi, Giving, Happiness, Higher Purpose, ICICI Bank Chairman, Inner Peace, Integrity of Purpose, Intelligent Living, Life, Life Coach, Life Coaching, Life Lessons, Life Quotes, Mahatma Gandhi, Marriage, MMA - Amalgamations Business LEadership Award, N.Vaghul, Purpose, Responsible Citizenship, Serve, Serve To Deserve, Spirituality, the happynesswala, the happynesswalas, Trusteeship, Uncategorized, WiproLeave a comment on The Rs.1k Wedding Invite And The Man Who Gave Away Most Of His Wealth

…To protect the inner peace and sanity of people you care for…

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Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on September 4, 2019September 4, 2019Format ImageCategories Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Life, Spirituality, UncategorizedTags Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS Viswanathan, Compassion, Equanimity, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Happiness, Happyness, Hospitals, Inner Peace, Inspiring Happiness, Inspiring Happyness, Intelligent Living, Life, Life Coach, Life Coaching, Life Lessons, Life Quotes, Patients, Spirituality, the happynesswala, UncategorizedLeave a comment on …To protect the inner peace and sanity of people you care for…

Exercise restraint before judging others

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Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on September 1, 2019Format ImageCategories Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Life, Spirituality, UncategorizedTags Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS Viswanathan, Compassion, Don't Judge, Don't Pass Judgment, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Happiness, Inner Peace, Inspiring Happiness, Inspiring Happyness, Intelligent Living, Judgment, Life, Life Coach, Life Coaching, Life Lessons, Life Quotes, Non-Judgemental, Non-judgmental, Spirituality, the happynesswala, UncategorizedLeave a comment on Exercise restraint before judging others

Sharing makes your world an intimate, beautiful, place!

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Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on July 16, 2019Format ImageCategories Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Life, Spirituality, UncategorizedTags Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS Viswanathan, Compassion, Criticism, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Inner Peace, Inspiring Happiness, Inspiring Happyness, Intelligent Living, Judgment, Kuch Toh Log Kahenge, Let Go, Life, Life Coach, Life Coaching, Life Lessons, Life Quotes, Love, Move On, Sharing, Spirituality, the happynesswala, Uncategorized, Wear Your Life On Your SleeveLeave a comment on Sharing makes your world an intimate, beautiful, place!

How sharing helps

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Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on July 9, 2019Format ImageCategories Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Life, Spirituality, UncategorizedTags Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS Viswanathan, Compassion, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Inner Peace, Inspiring Happiness, Inspiring Happyness, Intelligent Living, Life, Life Coach, Life Coaching, Life Lessons, Life Quotes, Love, Non-Suffering, Pain, Sharing, Spirituality, Suffering, the happynesswala, Uncategorized, Wear Your Life On Your SleeveLeave a comment on How sharing helps

We evolve through our lifetimes, at our own pace, in our own time…

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Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on June 17, 2019Format ImageCategories Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Life, Spirituality, UncategorizedTags Anger, Art of Living, AVIS on Happyness, AVIS Viswanathan, Bitter, Bitterness, Compassion, Evolution, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Happiness, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Let Go, Life, Life Coach, Life Coaching, Life Lessons, Life Quotes, Love, Move On, Pain, Spirituality, Suffering, the happynesswala, Uncategorized, UnhappyLeave a comment on We evolve through our lifetimes, at our own pace, in our own time…

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Advisory & Disclaimer

1. The author, AVIS, shares Life lessons here that he has gleaned from his lived experiences. AVIS has nothing against or for any religion. If the reader has a learning to share, they are most welcome. If the reader makes a communal or inflammatory or derogatory comment, or presents a view which may affect the sentiments of other followers/readers, then this Blog’s administrators may have to regrettably delete such a comment and even block such a follower. 2. The lived experiences shared here and the learnings gleaned from them are unique and personal to AVIS. The copyright for all original content here, that has been written/created by AVIS, belongs to AVIS Viswanathan. Important, AVIS has no interest in either infringing upon or claiming copyright of any referenced material published on this Blog. The images/videos used on this Blog, that are not created by AVIS, are purely for illustrative purposes. They belong to their original owners/creators. The author does not intend profiting from them nor is there any covert claim to copyright any of them.

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