Skip to content

The AVIS Viswanathan Blog

the happynesswala – "Inspiring 'Happyness'", Sharing Life Lessons from Lived Experiences! Inspired Speaker, Life Coach and Author of "Fall Like A Rose Petal"!

  • About AVIS
The AVIS Viswanathan Blog

Tag: Dr.Shantha

Coming in the way of your child’s aspirations is sacrilege

Being a parent is a blessing, it is not a birthright!

Someone we know is very, very keyed up that her adolescent son is not focusing on his academics at all. The young chap’s apparently only wanting to play outdoor sports and hang out with his friends. The mother laments that “since he’s in his 12th grade, getting past school and into a reputed college is crucial”. She’s also stressed out because a. she believes her son is a very intelligent and capable child who does get “80+ % without even studying” and b. she herself lost out in academics for the same reasons around when she was his age, so she doesn’t want history to repeat itself! She desperately wants her son to “wake up, smell the coffee and take his Life seriously.”

When she shared her “concerns” about her boy with us, I told her to take a chill pill. In my opinion, the young man is to be celebrated for “waking up, smelling the coffee and for taking his Life seriously”! Simply because he refuses to be boxed into a decadent education system and pinned down by a race for grades that are really worthless in Life.

Interestingly, while most parents may agree with this perspective, they will refuse to allow their children to break-free. And the reason is that all parental influence on their wards comes from them viewing Life through the ‘earn-a-living’ prism alone. Why should your child slog to top exams and get the highest GPA? So that she or he can get a top-draw salary in a “growth sector” industry. Sadly, few parents encourage their children to look away from the compulsion of ‘earning-a-living’; fewer still champion happiness and ‘following your bliss’.

Apart from the insecurity that their children may end up not being ‘economically viable and performing’ assets, what drives parents to be conservative and wary is that they want to possess, to control their children. We imagine we can possess our children just because we gave birth to them; that’s why we always justify our ‘rightfully’ worrying for them. The very idea of possession is so vulgar. It reduces the child to a thing. You possess a thing. You don’t possess your child. You have children in your Life only because you are blessed!

avis-viswanathan-you-dont-possess-your-child

Carefully consider this question – why are you worried for your adolescent child’s career and future? And the possible answer – you are finding that your child, who until now was listening to you, does not want to be told ‘anything’. You are beginning to wonder if your child is losing focus on academics. You worry, therefore, for your child’s grades and job prospects. If this is happening in your home, let me tell you that you are losing it! Your worry is unfounded. And if you are acting from that worry, from what you fear about your child’s future, it is totally unacceptable. Instead why can’t you act from faith in your child’s aspirations and ability to make intelligent, independent choices about her or his Life? And why can’t you have faith in your ability to guide, counsel and support your child’s vision for herself or himself? Your children want to live their lives, not yours. Get this straight. If you have raised them well, taught them good values and share a good bond with them, then, surely you have raised them well! You have got an ‘A+’. Beyond this, please, let us not come in their way.

If a child wants to take up badminton or tennis or cricket as a career or teach or join the defense forces or act in movies or ride a cycle rickshaw or be a rag-picker, what, pray, is the harm? How many more doctors and engineers and lawyers and software programmers do we want to produce in this world? And if children don’t take those decisions how will we have the next Kailash Satyarthi or Abdul Kalam or Dr.Shantha or P.V.Sindhu or Roger Federer or Virat Kohli or A.R.Rahman or Amitabh Bachchan or Zohra Seghal or Gandhi? How can we make our world any better if we keep championing predictable, ‘secure’ careers, accepting mediocrity in thinking and limiting the aspirations and creativity of our children?

Here’s a simple test that you may want to take in your private time. Do it with just yourself. If you are a parent, ask yourself:

  1. Am I doing what I enjoy doing and love doing or am I just ‘earning-a-living’?
  2. Given a choice wouldn’t I want to be doing something totally different from what I do to earn a pay check just now?
  3. Do I want to see my child as a well-qualified but incomplete and unhappy professional or do I wish for her or him to be a well-rounded, happy human being?
  4. Will I feel proud my child owned a villa and four cars or will I be happier if she or he touched the lives of people, made a difference to this world and inspired millions?

You know what you answered. You know what needs to be done. You are not dumb-headed because you are the parent of such a beautiful, intelligent child! So, please, for heaven’s sake, get out of the way of your child’s future. Your child needs your love, your understanding, your support; not your ‘help’, not your advice and certainly not your decisions that are born from your insecurities, fears and worries!

4-min read PS: If you liked this blogpost, please share it to help spread the learning it carries!

Author AVIS ViswanathanPosted on November 25, 2016November 25, 2016Categories Happiness, Let Go, Parenting, Spirituality, UncategorizedTags A R Rahman, Abdul Kalam, Amitabh Bachchan, Anxiety, Art of Living, AVIS Viswanathan, Children, Dr.Shantha, Fall Like A Rose Petal, Fear, Follow your Bliss, Gandhi, Happiness, Happiness Curator, Inner Peace, Intelligent Living, Joseph Campbell, Kailash Satyarthi, Khalil Gibran, Life Coach, P.V.Sindhu, Parenting, Responsible Parenting, Roger Federer, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Vaani, Virat Kohli, Worry, Zero Anxiety Parenting, Zohra Sehgal1 Comment on Coming in the way of your child’s aspirations is sacrilege
Follow The AVIS Viswanathan Blog on WordPress.com

Advisory & Disclaimer

1. The author, AVIS, shares Life lessons here that he has gleaned from his lived experiences. AVIS has nothing against or for any religion. If the reader has a learning to share, they are most welcome. If the reader makes a communal or inflammatory or derogatory comment, or presents a view which may affect the sentiments of other followers/readers, then this Blog’s administrators may have to regrettably delete such a comment and even block such a follower. 2. The lived experiences shared here and the learnings gleaned from them are unique and personal to AVIS. The copyright for all original content here, that has been written/created by AVIS, belongs to AVIS Viswanathan. Important, AVIS has no interest in either infringing upon or claiming copyright of any referenced material published on this Blog. The images/videos used on this Blog, that are not created by AVIS, are purely for illustrative purposes. They belong to their original owners/creators. The author does not intend profiting from them nor is there any covert claim to copyright any of them.

Recent Posts

  • Trust. And you will never be led astray!
  • Learn to be happy with yourself
  • Each experience is making you better!
  • Keep flowing with Life
  • The power of being happy!

Archives

  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012

Categories

  • Acceptance
  • Art of Living
  • AVIS on Happyness
  • AVIS on Leadership
  • Awareness
  • Celebrate Life
  • Companionship
  • Compassion
  • Contentment
  • Courage
  • Crisis
  • Death
  • Detachment
  • Divinity
  • Ego
  • Enlightenment
  • Equanimity
  • Face Life
  • Failure
  • Faith
  • Fall Like A Rose Petal
  • Fear
  • Fearlessness
  • Follow your Bliss
  • Forgiveness
  • Gandhi
  • Go with the Flow
  • God
  • Godliness
  • Grace
  • Gratitude
  • Grief
  • Guilt
  • Guilty
  • Happiness
  • Help Yourself to Happiness
  • Humility
  • Impermanence
  • Inner Peace
  • Insecurity
  • Integrity of Purpose
  • Intelligent Living
  • Joy
  • Let Go
  • Life
  • Life Lessons
  • Live in the moment
  • Living in the Now
  • Living in the Present
  • Love
  • Mindfulness
  • Miracles
  • Mouna
  • Move On
  • Non-frustrated
  • Non-Suffering
  • Non-worrying
  • Osho
  • Pain
  • Parenting
  • Patience
  • Pause & Reflect
  • Peace
  • Prayer
  • Purpose
  • Relationships
  • Religion
  • Resilience
  • Responsible Citizenship
  • Rise In Love
  • Sad
  • Sadness
  • Shirdi Sai Baba
  • Silence
  • Silence Periods
  • Spirituality
  • Success
  • Suffering
  • Surrender
  • Swami Sathya Sai Baba
  • The AVIS Viswanathan Podcast
  • The Bliss Catchers
  • the happynesswala
  • Uncategorized
  • Uncertainty
  • Unhappiness
  • Why Me?
  • Why?
  • Worry
  • Zen
  • About AVIS
The AVIS Viswanathan Blog Create a website or blog at WordPress.com
  • Follow Following
    • The AVIS Viswanathan Blog
    • Join 628 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • The AVIS Viswanathan Blog
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...