Nothing can ever be undone in Life

Never say or do anything in Life that cannot be taken back or undone. And you can take back and undo nothing!
This really means we must employ discretion at all times and never let anything be said or do anything that we will regret later. Scathing opinions are easy to roll off our tongues. Or, often times, we react in rage and anger, making choices and decisions that change things between us and other people – forever.
Some years ago, I used to be very trigger-happy. I had to say things as they occurred to me. And in one relationship, at least, I was keen that some decorum was maintained between me and the other person. So, I would hold a mirror. I would say the truth as it was. But this only made the relationship worse. The other person never understood anything – and never certainly understood me. So, here I was, to this person, for several years on the trot, irreverent, loud-mouthed, unfit and loathsome. It hurt me a lot that I was seen that way. So I resisted even more aggressively. Then, one day, in May 2009, we had a big, big, showdown. It was so intense, I would wake up with a nightmare thinking about it for weeks after that incident. It struck me, as I introspected deeply, that I had caused the distance between us to grow because of my insistence that the relationship be mended. I decided to give up that desire. And I withdrew into a shell. I have stayed there for a long, long time. Now, in the past few days, this person wants to revisit the relationship. The scars are there – very visible and so they remain unforgettable. I can’t forget what has been said about me or my family, I can’t ever forget how we have been treated at a very personal, human level. It’s true that I have evolved, so I have forgiven this person and I have moved on. But because the scars remain, and the wounds have been deep, I have given up hope that things can ever be improved between us. The fact that, once said and done, nothing can ever be undone in Life – especially in emotional, relationship contexts, only helps me continue to value my inner peace and forces me to stay where I am, in my shell!
When people anger us, they cause us to react in a similar manner. In our anger we say or do many things. These are further interpreted – they are never really understood – by those causing the situation in the first place. Then more anger gets expressed. More opinions are made and more negative energy is hurled at each other. Over time, a Great Wall, is built. And people begin to live on either side choosing to often wish the worst for those on the other side. Then, through a natural process of growth and evolution two realizations dawn: 1. That clinging on anger and hatred is futile. 2. That this is a big world and we are all small people. That our smallness is even more starkly evident with our “petty” disputes with people. But it is too late. Because a lot has been said and done, and because it can’t be undone, Life has to go on with the Great Wall growing longer, and often higher, with the passage of time.
I have learnt from Life that it’s always best to pause, to ask, in any potentially emotional and explosive situation, if what we are about to say or do is likely to do good to all concerned, if what we have to say is the truth and what we really believe in, if what we are choosing is what we always wanted. This kind of reasoning does not always help you get instantaneous clarity on issues but helps you with enough so that you can postpone making a choice or expressing an opinion immediately. Always a more reflective, informed stance on Life-situations, even if takes longer, benefits everyone concerned. At the core of our lives is the way people express and experience each other. Maybe, just maybe, if some thought can be exercised before saying or doing something, then there will be no need to seek to undo anything!?

Be aware and choose your battles wisely

You can find peace in Life by doing the opposite of what’s expected of you, by people around you, in any challenging situation.
If someone betrays your trust, keep trusting. If someone breaks your heart, keep loving. If someone insults you, forgive. If someone suppresses you, stifles you, give more of yourself to that person. This does not mean that you are subjecting yourself to being a doormat. This is what rising in humanity really means. This is keeping Life at what it is__keeping it human. It means being aware and choosing to be who you are – no matter what the insinuation against you is, no matter what you are told.
I am dealing with someone with whom I have never had any great chemistry. For some time, we seem to have had a truce of sorts – a working relationship where we cautiously communicated with each other. Yesterday, that truce fell apart. I was expected to show up for a showdown – which is what I would have done just a few years ago! But I chose not to fight this time. Not to enter into a war of words. Not to justify or prove a point. I have simply chosen to be silent – to have nothing more to say. Because all that had to be said has been told. And I realize that I will never be understood ever. So, why waste precious time and energy? Why soak in the negativity, which is really what this person embodies?
At the core of our creation, we are all pure. The negativity that surrounds us is but a veil, a veneer, which has been accumulated over years of experiences, most of them that did not meet our expectations from Life. The reason we are suffering in and with almost everything __ relationships, jobs, parenting, with our health, with our money __ is because we are trapped beneath those layers of negativity. Like we peel an onion, we must peel off the layers. The betrayed person is not you. The betrayal was just an experience. You are pure and still trusting. The hating person is not you. The hating was just an experience that occurred in a situation. You are loving at your core. The insult is not you. The insult was just a word, thrown at you, and, surely, it didn’t stick. You can remain untainted, blemishless, just the way you were when you were born, if you choose your battles wisely! Sometime, sooner than later, you will realize that being at peace with yourself while giving up wanting to be seen as right is simpler and better than winning against someone by proving them wrong!
Be aware of all the negativity around and choose wisely. To remain unmoved, unaffected, by anyone or anything, by Life, is bliss.

Be vulnerable, be open, be peaceful

The best way to deal with your detractors is to not resist them. Let them do what they must. You be vulnerable, be open. Let Life take care of the rest.
This approach really ensures that you stay focussed, conserve your energies and don’t let any negativity consume you. But this approach is rarely taken.
Whenever someone wrongs you, the first reaction is: ‘How dare she or he do this to me?’. You rush to respond with rage and simply end up staying agitated. The more you cling on to anger, hatred and hurt, the more you will burn in them. If somebody is doing something to you, which you think is against your interests, please know and accept that she or he is doing it because they think it is right for them to do it! The viewpoints are different. That’s all. Perhaps, if you explained your viewpoint or if the other person in question considered your viewpoint upon review, things will be different. For the present however, you feel you have been wronged. And someone feels they are right. Further you are seething with rage, wallowing in self-pity, looking at the whole world as being dark, hellish and full of hideous people. Know also that you are the one who’s burning. The perpetrator of your grief is possibly happy, unperturbed by his or her action. That makes you even more angry. And you now seek revenge. What is the point? You cause pain to that person in retaliation. She or he responds with more acrimony. And then it’s your turn again. So, the ping-pong battle goes on, on and on. And all through this tenure you are burning. You are unable to concentrate on your work. Even anger or self-pity or staying grumpy or being cynical is an addiction. As ruinous as any other physically debilitating habit! You don’t even realize that you are destroying yourself in the process.
To break away from this destructive cycle of negative emotions, something has to give. And it has to be your desire to cling on. Give that up! Wisdom lies in the fact that you unshackle yourself from this rage, from this hatred, from this injury and become free. It takes two people to cause any enmity. And you can decimate that cause by refusing to enjoin in it! Let go of all animosity within you. Give up your need to be right all the time. Give up your need to get even. This is the only way – to be vulnerable and open – to inner peace, to be free and to perhaps win the battle – without even fighting!