Not all of Life’s situations can be solved. They have to be faced.
At my Fall Like A Rose Petal Talk that I delivered recently, a lady, in her late 30s, came up to me and said that she no longer saw any point in getting married or seeking companionship in Life. She had been married thrice. And each time she found her relationships getting messy. “While I am fine with being single, my mother is insisting on solving the problem. She doesn’t seem to get it. She believes that my marriage is a duty she has to perform before she dies. What should I do,” asked the lady.
Well, the lady has no choice but to convince her mother. Also, I wouldn’t even say her situation or stance is as unchangeable or irrevocable as those of some others – after all, she may just meet someone who may just be ‘right for her, per her’!
But her situation should remind us of any of our own as well. Some Life situations are just that – they are situations. They must be faced, and in some cases, endured over a period of time. Dealing with Life, while accepting it for what it is, is a much better approach than getting frustrated trying to solve the unsolvable. How do you solve the death of a dear one? How do you solve the inability to relate with someone? How do you solve a rare form of pancreatic cancer? How do you solve the agony of a family of three, whose 40-year-old son is going through a severe depression, the father is on a catheter and the mother is immobile because of a nervous disorder? The truth is: everyone really gets their share of situations in Life. And some of what may be served to you in Life, by Life, may be the unsolvable. And dealing with the situation, by the moment, by the day, is always better that grieving about it endlessly. Because the unsolvable will not be amenable to reason and resolution.
It is always what it is.
The 13th Century Persian poet Jalaluddin Rumi’s collection of spiritual discourses is called “Fihi Ma Fihi” (It is what it is!). In one of his discourses, he asks, “If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?” The import is that it is Life’s nature to throw us into the deep end, untethered, and it is in our spirit, and best interest, to deal with Life, with forbearance, with stoicism, with acceptance. Our job is to face up to and deal with a Life situation, going to work on it daily, doing our best, and leaving the outcome to Life! Yes, when you put in your best effort and don’t get the result you want or what you ought to be getting, it can be frustrating. But the simplest way to live a frustration-free Life is to be free from expectations. Don’t expect 2+2 to always add up to 4 in Life. Clearly, sometimes, things don’t add up in Life! In those times, it is not as if Life is standing there and mocking at you. It is not as if there is a grand conspiracy to hound you, to humiliate you, deny you what your deserve and to finish you off. In situations that you don’t get what you want or when you don’t know what to do, Life is teaching you patience; Life is reminding you that you are not in control. In such times, it is best to deal with Life with acceptance and not necessarily imagine you can solve the unsolvable. That’s living intelligently!
PS: If you liked this blogpost, please share it to help spread the learning it carries!