Keeping the faith through a dark time in Life

In today’s Vlog, I share how we must become the light, when we don’t see the light at the end of a dark tunnel. I invite all of us to trust the process of Life – instead of looking outside of us for clarity and direction.

View time: 2:54 minutes

Tie your camel, but don’t let your possessions possess you!

Ownership is not our natural state. Then why fuss over anything now?

Referring to my blogpost yesterday, on the spiritual lesson I took away from the Ilayaraaja-SPB issue, a reader asked me if I was asking people not to claim ownership. I told him that at a deeply spiritual level any form of ownership is irrelevant. But we live in real world. Where money is an object – and an important one at that. So, it is indeed appropriate to protect your ownership of things – your material or intellectual assets. There surely is a need to take credit, accept a byline, display authorship for any of your work and possess a title deed for patents, property or such assets in your name. And if anyone infringes or encroaches on your ownership, you must firmly request them to step back. So, I am not saying ownership is irrelevant at an operational, everyday living level.

But when what you possess, starts possessing you, well, then you have lost the plot. Then you have lost the game of Life. Then suffering sets in.

Any art form which is universally acclaimed and loved by people, for the joy they experience in immersing themselves in that art, belongs not just to its creator. It belongs to the creator’s admirers as well. Now, a Raja Ravi Varma original must not be copied. That would be infringement. But in today’s digital world, so many image copies are floating all over the net. People admire them. They view them. Trying to control such action will be impossible. And if you try to, you will only lose your inner peace. So it is with Ilayaraaja’s music. This perspective I offer from a purely, practical, real-world, point of view.

On a spiritual plane, all ownership is irrelevant. Your own Life is given to you and will be taken back without your permission. (Even if you execute a suicide, by the law of Karma, it is still per a grand cosmic design.) What ownership do you want to control when you can’t even own or control your own Life? Yet, I believe in the principle of tying your camel. Trust in God But Tie Your Camel is an Arab proverb. One day Prophet Mohammed noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it. He asked the Bedouin, “Why don’t you tie down your camel?” The Bedouin answered, “I placed my trust in Allah.” At that, Mohammed said, “Tie your camel and place your trust in Allah.” Which means you have to do what you have to do, but don’t get attached to your action, don’t get bound by it, don’t expect a result that you want, simply trust the process of Life.

There was a time in my Life when I tried to protect everything and control everyone around me. I sweated – actually lost sleep literally – a lot over what we believed were our intellectual property rights. I fought rabidly over my opinions and ideas. But then I was so unhappy doing all that. And then everything I owned or thought I controlled was taken away. (Read more here: Fall Like A Rose Petal.) When I introspected I realized ownership is a not our natural state. We came wearing nothing. It doesn’t matter what we are wearing when we depart. When in our natural state we own nothing, why fuss over anything now?

So, I have this simple principle – enjoy expressing yourself. Offer whatever you have to the Universe, with a lot of love, selflessly. Tie your camel, but be easy with your possessions – surely don’t let them possess you!

There’s an #Ilayaraaja in each of us

You come with nothing. And you will go with nothing. Then, as Osho, the Master, asks, “Why all this drama in between?”

Social media is afire with the Ilayaraaja-SPB issue. Ilayaraaja’s attorney has served a legal notice on SPB restraining the renowned singer and his troupe from performing the music maestro’s compositions. SPB is currently touring the US as part of “SPB50 – a concert tour celebrating 50 years of SPB’s musical journey”. SPB, via his Facebook Page, has been dignified in not taking on Ilayaraaja; he has politely said that he will go by the law and respect the notice that he has been served. But social media has not been very considerate to Ilayaraaja. Most opinions are critical of Ilayaraaja’s action. They believe music is universal and by trying to regulate and control the use of his compositions, Ilayaraaja is likely to lose the halo around him and the aura around his body of work.

I believe there’s a deeper spiritual message for all of us here. If we examine ourselves and our attitude to our work, our Life, our possessions, each of us, in some way or the other, is behaving like Ilayaraaja is. There’s surely an Ilayaraaja in each of us. I come from the Osho school of thought. And hence this perspective.

Think about it. This whole lifetime of ours is spent in acquiring – from a name at birth to qualifications to wealth to patents to relationships to assets – only to leave behind everything, that is, “stuff”, that we cannot take with us, when leaving this planet. So, this way, living in a forever-acquiring-controlling-mode, we are completely missing the essence of Life! Our possessing, controlling, nature makes us feel miserable, insecure and causes all our suffering.

To be sure, you must never be serious about what you can never hold on to, what you have to lose any which way and what you can never save for use in another lifetime (as far as each of us experientially knows, there isn’t another lifetime; this is it!). So, there really is no point in being so serious about what you own, what you claim to be yours and what you want to fight for. Even this lifetime is a gift – you didn’t ask to be born, did you? Your birth, as a (well-ordained, well-endowed, in most cases) human, is your biggest, priceless, gift. (And yet, imagine, so many sweat or sulk over material birthday gifts that money can buy!!!) By fighting silly battles with people, and over issues that are inconsequential in the longer term of your definite-to-expire lifetime, you are squandering precious time.

Clearly, nobody takes anything with them when they depart. This is as much a certainty about our lives as death itself is.

I believe Ilayaraaja (and his effort to regulate the use of his much-loved compositions) is but a metaphor. We too are often clinging on to people, relationships, ideas, opinions, IPRs, property, money and what not. And through each act of clinging on, and with each avoidable battle we fight, we are suffering.

The only way to escape all that suffering is this: let go! Whatever you do, offer it to the Universe. Life expresses itself through you. Your art, whatever it is – just as music is to Ilayaraaja – is flowing through you. You are merely an instrument delivering it in this Universe. If you can internalize this perspective, and have it stay there, well, you will be eternally peaceful, blessed and happy!

Life’s Master Plan is at work 24 x 7 – no matter what you do or don’t do!

…And it has no flaws!

A very good friend of ours is enjoying time with his infant grandchildren. When I connected with him earlier this week, after many months, I remarked, “Wow! Isn’t it wonderful to be a grandparent? We are still getting ready to be empty nesters. But you have already been there, done that, and now, your Life has come a full circle as the family is together again with the next generation coming in as well!” My friend laughed. He then said, “AVIS bhai, one small correction. No one’s been there. No one’s done anything! Life just happens to you.”

Indeed. This has been my belief too. I may have said “been there, done that” to my friend more as a manner of speaking, but I totally, completely, resonate with the “Life happens to you” perspective.

I have another friend who is a famous CEO. He went into a depression for a few years when he lost his entire business empire and he went bankrupt. He subsequently bounced back and is a thriving business leader today. When my own business and financial challenges began (read more here: Fall Like A Rose Petal), in early 2008, I visited him in Hyderabad for getting his perspective on dealing with a bankruptcy. At the end of our conversation, as I got up to leave, he pointed to a plaque on his desk. It contained a quote from Yogavasishta Ramayana which read: “Whatever (is) to be done, I do. But in reality I do not do anything.” He told me: “Just follow this principle. You can never escape pain in Life, but, with this principle, you can avoid the suffering.”

The quote and my CEO friend’s advice did not make much sense to me then. But almost a decade down the line, I am wiser. I have come to realize that the truth of our lives is that we have to do what we have to do, and yet Life will keep happening to us; ultimately, Life’s Master Plan is what prevails and so we must learn to be unfrustrated with Life, with what we get, with the outcomes of our efforts. Or simply, Life’s Master Plan keeps happening to us, irrespective of what we do or don’t do, and this Master Plan has no flaws!

This learning is now ingrained in my spiritual DNA, if I can call it so. Even this morning, in a state of absolute cluelessness over a very urgent situation, that demands immediate hands-on leadership, which we can’t provide just now owing to lack of money, I meditated on this learning. I let go. And I surrendered. I am not just feeling a lot better, I am convinced that Life will take care of us – just as we have been taken care of all this time.

All our suffering, I have realized, is because of this misplaced notion that our Life happens because of us. I am reminded of what music maestro Ilayaraaja said once in an interview to Radio Mirchi: “Thaan sapitta unavai thaane jeernika sakthi ulla manithanai yen munnal niruthungal!” It means, “Show me a human who has the ability to digest their food through their own ability.” The import is that if you believe that Life happens through you, and not because of you, and that Life happens to you no matter what you do or don’t do, then, and only then, can you live in peace and be happy!

Aye Zindagi, Gale Lagaa Le…

Don’t resist Life – be ready and willing to flow with it!  

Gauri Shinde’s new film Dear Zindagi (Alia Bhatt and Shah Rukh Khan) has suddenly revived interest in the Ilayaraaja classic “Aye Zindagi, Gale Laga Le”   from Sadma (1983, Suresh Wadkar; Balu Mahendra, Kamal Haasan, Sri Devi). I am yet to see Shinde’s film, but I spent much of the weekend listening to the original song by Wadkar (the new version is sung by Arijit Singh); I simply love Gulzar saab’s lyrics…the opening line means…“Come, embrace me Life; don’t I embrace all the pain that you send my way…?”

As I write this blogpost, I remain immersed in the spiritual essence of this song…it teaches us to accept the Life we have. But unfortunately, because of our social conditioning, we don’t learn this simple lesson early enough. We live much of our Life steeped in insecurity, resisting pain, asking why, why me, and so we suffer!

I can relate to this conditioning from my own experience. To be sure, I too felt insecure when I first came face to face, nine years ago, with the reality that we were insolvent and our Firm was bankrupt (read more in my Book Fall Like A Rose Petal ). Of course, I was devastated by the gravity of our crisis and was very, very scared of where we would end up in Life. But resisting the insecurity, wishing that things were different, only made me suffer. And in my suffering I could not focus. I was always unhappy. When you don’t focus or are unhappy, how can you function? How can you think of even attempting to solve your problems? While I could make sense of the futility of my suffering, I didn’t know where to start or what to do. What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

My daily practice of mouna (silence periods) helped me understand that all Life is impermanent, that pain is inevitable, and if we choose to embrace the Life we have, then we can completely avoid the suffering. I came to realize that Life really is an “adventure”, a “deep dive”, a “bunjee jump” into the unknown. Insecurity, pain and impermanence, I discovered, are the very weaves that make up the fabric of Life. Over time, I awakened to the truth that you can’t ever “fix” your Life, you can only flow with it, and allow Life to repair and reinvent on its own.

When I started seeing Life from this new perspective, I saw that each day threw up a fresh episode of “adventure” – a legal twist here, an irate creditor who had lost patience with our situation there, bills to be paid for essential services like electricity and telephones when there was no money to even buy groceries, a health situation to be urgently addressed; yet each time we thought it was all over, help, a.k.a miracles, arrived from unexpected quarters. No day, as Vaani and I have experienced, has been the same. Honestly, not all the stuff that comes our way on a daily basis, however new or fresh it is, is appetizing. But however much we feel spent at the end of each day, we wake up revived the next day. And take that day’s “adventure” head-on. This is how we have been living, in fact thriving, this past decade. In this time, it has become clear to me that Life has all along been, and will continue to be incredible, inscrutable and, therefore, insecure. Clearly, Vaani and I don’t have that sense of security that a steady income can provide, yet when we stopped feeling insecure about it, and let go, and let Life take over, things have happened on their own. We have learnt that our duty is to make our daily efforts and let the results take care of themselves. Even so, we don’t deserve, nor do we claim, any credit for the way we have learnt to live our Life. Why would anyone want a crisis, and as in our case, a prolonged state of cashlessness and worklessness? We simply chose to accept the Life we got and we have.

This numbing phase of our Life has taught us to live with insecurity. There are days, several times in a month, when we really don’t know what will happen from an income or business point of view.  But we know fully well that we will be taken care of. Maybe this is what they call faith. Not in an external God. But in Life itself – that if you have been created and you are in whatever situation you are placed in, you will be cared for, provided for and looked after. Maybe this is what Gulzar saab’s lyrics, with the song’s revival, are trying to remind us; that always be ready and willing to flow with Life! So, Aye Zindagi, Gale Lagaa Le…!

PS: If you liked this blogpost, please share it to help spread the learning it carries!

 

Each of us is capable of being resilient

When we don’t resist Life, it always teaches us how to cope.

I met a friend at a party over the weekend. He said he admired me and Vaani for being so resilient in the face of so much adversity. His wife said that she found it amazing that we have the courage to share our story, through my Book ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’   (Westland) and my Talks, with the world. I thanked both of them for being so generous with their compliments. But I clarified that resilience is not something unique. All of us are capable of resilience. It is like the Bluetooth feature on our smartphones. To use it, we must activate it. Simple.

To be sure, we started our own journey through this cathartic bankruptcy gripped with fear, anger, grief and guilt. Forget facing the world, I even hated the face I saw in the mirror. But over time, I realized that resilience is not a singular quality. It is not as if you download an App into yourself or that you turn on a switch in you and it starts working. Resilience is a beautiful combination and interplay of three coping mechanisms that you must deploy when you are faced with a Life-changing crisis:

1. Having honest conversations. Be honest with yourself and also engage with someone you can trust with giving you brutally honest feedback. In my case my daily practice of silence periods, mouna, really helped me. Plus, of course, my soul-mate Vaani and I often have very empowering conversations to share what we feel, how we must move forward and what we can or must do with any situation or challenge that springs up.
2. Being practical. In almost any situation in Life, you will want to do some things, you will not want to do some things and you will have to do some things. It is the last part that is often the most difficult to do, even though it is the most practical. So, bottomline, no matter how you feel about some thing or someone or some situation, you have to do what you have do. Be clinical. Be focused. And just do it.
3. Keeping the faith. No matter how hopeless a situation is, please know that Life is very, very, very, very compassionate. You will always get what you need. You will not always get what you want. But you will always get what you need. I call this the marathe vechchavan thanni oothuvaan (Panakaaran, 1990, P.Vasu, Ilayaraaja, Vaali) – the creator shall always provide philosophy to Life.

So, as I see it, resilience is resident in all of us. It doesn’t show up when we resist Life. But once we embrace Life and accept it for what it is, and go with the flow, it quietly kicks in. The other way I see it is that a problem comes into your Life only because you have the ability to handle it. That ability is your resilient nature. So, no matter what you are faced with right now, soldier on. Eventually, everything passes and you will always overcome!