What Sridevi’s death teaches us about Life

Life hai…kuch bhi ho sakta hai! – It’s Life…anything can happen!

Like almost everyone else, Vaani and I too are still coming to terms with Sridevi’s sudden, tragic, death. We have been reading up every possible – credible – piece of information that has had a fresh perspective to share on what exactly happened to her.

And then, a couple of days ago, we came across this Blogpost by Bollywood trade analyst Komal Nahta, who is believed to be a close friend of Boney Kapoor and Sridevi. If we go by Nahta’s account of what happened in the final couple of hours of Sridevi’s Life, it appears that even as Boney Kapoor was surfing TV channels in the living room of their suite at the Jumeirah Emirates Tower Hotel, waiting for Sridevi to get ready and join him; so they could go out for dinner, Sridevi was drowning in a bathtub – in the suite’s master bedroom, barely a few feet away from him! And he could do nothing, nothing at all, to save her.

I read and re-read Nahta’s Blogpost. Only to conclude that everything about Sridevi’s death is so unreal, so bizarre. What are the chances someone can drown in a bathtub, in one of the most premium (and therefore considered safe) hotels in the world? What are the chances that a loving, doting, caring husband, can be completely oblivious of his wife drowning, even as the tragedy happened, especially when he was within shouting distance of his wife? What are the chances that you say you will “freshen up and come” and actually die in that time – in under 15 minutes – by drowning in a bathtub?

But such is Life. It is so totally, totally, inscrutable. I am reminded of Indeevar’s deeply contemplative lyrics from that iconic song in Safar (1970) rendered in Kishoreda’s immortal voice (music: Kalyanji Anandji)…“zindagi ka safar…koi samjha nahin, koi jaana nahin…” . Life is indeed totally, totally, inscrutable. And this morning, I read this equally bizarre story of this man, literally, waking up from the dead! It made me conclude, yet again, that anything, absolutely anything, can happen in Life!

The more I go through Life, the more I experience it, the one indisputable truth that strikes me repeatedly is this – no matter who you are, you have to go through what you have to go through. You just cannot negotiate with Life over your Life’s design. As I see it, in Life, it is always what it is. You have to bear your cross. And you have to live through the design that Life has planned for you. In fact, as it appears to me, Life’s Masterplan has no flaws!

Consider the late Sridevi’s Life again – her design took her from obscure Meenampatti in Tamil Nadu and made her a pan-Indian screen diva; then the same design forced her into near oblivion, after she married Boney Kapoor and they had Janhavi and Khushi, for 15 years from 1997~2012; the design then brought her to centerstage again with English Vinglish (2012) and Mom (2017) and, posthumously, the same design ensured she was feted, in memoriam, on the Oscar stage this past Sunday! And yet, despite all her greatness, her fame, her glory, this legendary star drowned, helpless, in a five-star hotel’s bathtub? Well, clearly, that’s how her Life’s design willed her story to end!

I have realized that our material success – particularly our ability to earn an income using our talent and skills – makes us believe that we control our Life. The truth is that we never were, we are not and we will never be in control. Life is always in control. It keeps on happening per its inscrutable, unique, design for each of us. It often takes a crisis, an event that defies all logic and cocks a snoot at our problem-solving abilities, or death, to shake us awake from our stupor and remind us that it is not us, but Life which is in control. When we realize this, we too learn to be accepting of the Life we have and learn to go with the flow.

There are no two ways with Life. It is only what it is. You are always playing only with the cards that Life has dealt you. And then, when your time here is up, when your name is called, you stop your game mid-way, even if it is in the middle of a bath, and leave! So, approaching Life with humility and a sense of amazement are perhaps the best way to live it well. Humility, because Life is the Higher Energy (which is why I always spell Life with a capital ‘L’) that powers everything in the Universe; and amazement, because you never know what hand you are going to be dealt next! After all, Life hai…kuch bhi ho sakta hai!

Sahir Ludhianvi’s Life anthem for Dev Anand can be yours too

The key to living happily is to be willing to experience Life in its myriad forms.

A young actor I met the other day wanted to know why we can never understand Life. He asked me, “The spiritual path excites me, but I am not sure it offers us an explanation that can be reasonably, logically understood. So, is Life really a mystery or is it a scientific process?”

The answer is that it is neither. It is a grand experience made up of several million experiences.

As the famous song sung by Kishore Kumar from ‘Safar’ (1970, Asit Sen, Indeevar, Kalyanji Anandji) goes: “Zindagi Ka Safar…Hai Yeh Kaisa Safar…Koi Samjha Nahin…Koi Jaana Nahin…” It means, “what kind of a journey this is, of Life, it is so inscrutable…” So, surely, the debate will rage on, on what Life is. But that debate’s immaterial to the reality that Life will go on, giving each of us myriad experiences in our lifetimes.

The Greek word ‘philosophy’ means love of knowledge. From an ancient Indian point of view, we have not used the word ‘philosophy’ much. Here, we seek ‘darshan‘ or we attempt to ‘see’, to awaken in realization, to the truth of being part of a larger whole. To scientists, Life is about conquest, about unraveling and controlling, replicating the method behind what is; to philosophers it is about reasoning the mystery of what is. Spiritual insight implores us to know that because there is, something, a whole, that there is a conquest possible or a mystery surrounding it exists! Ultimately, all disciplines teach us to learn and evolve from, in and through Life.

Interestingly, I was among the audience yesterday at a conversation centered around Akshay Manwani’s biography on poet and songwriter Sahir Ludhianvi (1921~1980). Yesterday also was Dev Anand’s death anniversary. As I write this blogpost, the song that Sahir wrote for Dev saab in Hum Dono (1961, Amarjeet/Vijay Anand, Jaidev, Mohd. Rafi) comes to mind: “Mein Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya, Har Phikr Ko Dhuein Mein Udaata Chala Gaya…” It means, “I just went with the flow of Life, letting go of my worries…” I am told that Dev saab retained this song as his Life’s anthem till he passed on in 2011. It can be yours too. It’s a beautiful reminder that the key to living happily is to be open and willing to experience Life in its myriad forms – good-bad, bitter-sweet, bright-dark, summer-winter, ups-downs, happy-sad, bliss-sorrow – and to go on experiencing it. The more we experience Life, and the more we accept and learn from each experience, the more it becomes easier and simpler to live. It is because we resist some experiences that we suffer. Life is like the beautiful, seductive, bountiful ocean. Each experience we go through is like a wave; it may perhaps be right to say a wave has ended by crashing on the shore, but it also marks the beginning of a new one. And that’s why the ocean of Life itself remains inscrutable, magnificent and infinite!

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Gulzar, a Siddha yogi, Indeevar and the value in embracing pain

“…jeene ke liye, socha hi nahin, dard sambhalne honge…”

“I never thought I have to deal with/manage pain to live Life!”

This line is from the soul-stirring, famous song, “tujhse naaraaz nahi zindagi…”, from Masoom (1983, Shekar Kapur, R.D.Burman, Gulzar, Lata Mangeshkar; male version by Anoop Ghoshal). I stumbled upon this song, which is among my all-time favorites, yet again, this morning. And I instantly sent out a prayer in gratitude to Gulzar saab…only someone who has seen Life, felt pain and experienced inner joy, can write with so much depth, and yet keep it so simple, so lucid. This line holds the key to why we struggle with Life.

Almost all of us have encountered pain__and have resultantly suffered__without being prepared for it. As kids, our painful moments would be anchored and cushioned under the protective care of our parents. But we are socked and numbed by the first episode of pain in our adult lives because we have never been educated about the true nature of Life in our early years. We haven’t been told that:

• Life never guarantees any fair-play
• Life will keep on happening to us – no matter what we want or expect
• Pain in Life is inevitable
• The only way avoid suffering is to accept the pain and not resist it
• When you choose not to suffer, you are happy

A Siddha yogi who I met some years ago taught me how not to resist pain. I had gone to meet him with Vaani. I was totally beaten, demotivated and confused with my Life at that point in time. And the man told us: “Embrace your pain. It is trying to teach you something. Learn from it. Don’t fight it. Don’t resist it. Let it just be. It will go away the same way it came. Treat it with dignity, as if it is a ‘guest’ in your Life. Don’t hate it. Embrace it.”  Though I initially found his advice preposterous and absurd, over time, I came to appreciate how much truth and wisdom it contained.

Let me explain it the way I have understood it. You can’t choose what happens to you in Life. Life keeps on happening irrespective of either your wants or your expectations. When what happens to you matches your wants or expectations, you willingly accept Life for what it is. But when the unexpected and the unwanted happens, you resist Life, because this ‘unwanted guest’ is causing you pain. It could be a simple headache or a job loss or a cancer or a relationship break-down; anything that arrives uninvited causes pain. Now the event, the happening, as such does not cause you any suffering. Yes, it brings you pain. But your suffering is your own creation. And you are suffering only because you are resisting whatever is happening to you. So, when I internalized the yogi’s point of view, and I learnt – rather cultivated – the art of embracing and accepting my pain, I stopped suffering.

And that brings me to another great lyricist Indeevar and the sage lines he wrote for Samjhauta (1973, Ajoy Biswas, Kalyanji-Anandji, Kishore Kumar):

“…samjhauta ghamon se karlo…zindagi mein gham bhi milte hain…” meaning “…learn to embrace/compromise with your pain/grief…for you will encounter pain/grief in your Life…”

So, stop struggling with Life and decide to end all your suffering. Whatever be your source of pain, just accept it and embrace it. When you choose not to suffer, you can only be happy!

For heaven’s sake, it is not ‘zindagi ka suffer’….!

Suffering is self-inflicted. If you are suffering in any situation, you have only yourself to blame.

Yesterday a friend texted me his predicament. He said he was unable to reconcile with my thoughts, which I share in my daily blogposts, on a “practical, real Life basis”. “While I agree in theory to what you say every day, I simply can’t believe that you can be happy without money. Means to earn a living, having money for everyday needs, to me, is a critical pre-requisite. I am suffering because I have no job and no money,” he confessed.

I can empathize with my friend. I have been in his shoes too with regard to postponing happiness by imposing pre-conditions on Life. I have suffered too for weeks, months and years. Until I realized that you suffer only when you set conditions on Life. How can you? How can you insist that Life deal with you in specific manner when you don’t even know how Life works and thinks? The problem with such condition-setting is that whenever Life does not conform to your expectations, which will be ever so often, you will suffer. Today, I am still in my friend’s shoes – I have no work and no money too, but I have learnt not to suffer. Because I have accepted my situation unconditionally. I keep trying harder every single day, with my wife, to put our business back on track but I don’t say anymore that I will be unhappy with what I have, and my Life, unless my business turns around. Resultantly, while there is intense pain – if you are living or have lived without money, you may feel my pain – there is no suffering.

I am reminded of that beautiful song from the Hindi movie Safar (1970, Asit Sen, Kalyanji Anandji, Indeevar, Kishore Kumar, Rajesh Khanna, Sharmila Tagore) which talks about the inscrutable nature of the journey of Life. The lyrics go…’zindagi ka safar, hai yeh kaisa safar, koi jaana nahin, koi samjha nahin…’ Safar in Hindi means journey and zindagi means Life, but, ironically many are living their lives and humming this song as ‘zindagi ka suffer…’ This is not intelligent punning. This is the reality. Many, like my friend, are resisting their realities and that’s why they are suffering.

To summarize, you suffer only because you have chosen to suffer. Accepting your reality, the Life that you have, cannot solve your problems. It cannot take away your pain. But it surely can help you not to suffer. It is only when you choose not to suffer, will you be able to attempt better solutions to your problems. Remember: you have been given this Life, this zindagi, for you to journey (safar) through, experience and learn from this lifetime, and not to suffer! So, whatever it is that you are dealing with, accept it and journey on…with a song in your heart!