Learn from your decisions; don’t just brood over them.

You do something only because you think it is the right thing to do in the first place!

il_570xN.459117414_7a01Almost all of us are taking decisions all the time. Right from choosing whether you want your coffee cold or hot at a café, to deciding whether or not to end a relationship, we are always in decision-making mode. Big or small, if you examine your Life closely, each moment is decisive. The truth is also that while some decisions work well, some don’t. When a decision backfires distill the learnings from the experience and move on. If you don’t and instead choose to brood over your decision, you will surely grieve and suffer.

Yesterday, a gentleman called me saying his business was in dire straits. He said he had made some strategic decisions five years ago which had not worked well for him. He wanted to know how to get rid of the guilt that he was carrying in him. I told him what I often tell myself: “Guilt is a wasted emotion. It serves no purpose. You did what you thought was right. That’s why you did it in the first place. Now, in hindsight, if the decision has backfired, is there any point in grieving over it?” “Instead”, I advised the gentleman, “look at what the experience taught you and what you can learn from it.”

Now even when a decision works in your favor, it is important you see the learnings there. If you find it difficult to focus on the learnings, the reason is simply this: your ego comes in the way. If the decision you made worked, you feel that “I did it!” and if it didn’t work you say “I blew it all up!” Either way, the “I” comes in between you and the learnings. So, drop the “I”. That’s when you will learn from each of your experiences.

It is that simple. That elementary. A decision once taken is history. Your learning from it can however help you along the way in Life!

No Rights, No Wrongs, Only Learnings!

Don’t struggle with making Life decisions – career or relationship choices and such. Go with what you want to do the most and what you can do the best! You will either pull it off. Or you will not. Either way, you will learn!
A young friend is a brilliant musician. But his parents wanted him to pursue an academic degree. So, he parked his music career aside and completed a Master’s Program. Now, he’s employed and is looking to re-start his music career but his folks – and extended family – want him to apply for a better-paying job in the US and migrate as soon as possible. The young chap is vexed. He believes next they will insist that he gets married. “And that will be the end of my music career,” he bemoans.
I asked him why he didn’t think it was possible that he could just do what he wanted to do. “I am not sure I will be successful with music initially. There won’t be money in it as I begin. And my folks warn me that if I realize later that I cannot be a successful – and well-earning – musician, my professional career too, which is starting-up smoothly now, may stand derailed,” he confessed.
I asked him if he enjoyed his “professional job”. And he replied that he didn’t quite: “It is dull and monotonous. I know I will never be happy working at it.” And what about his music, did he enjoy playing and making music? “Oh! Totally! I don’t even know it when I am playing. I just lose myself. I am happiest when I playing or composing music,” he exulted.
I did not force my opinion on my young friend. I simply suggested that he must pursue what gives him joy, what he’s deeply passionate about – which is music. And that he must focus on becoming a world-class player. Money, I said, will come on its own when his music touches lives and creates waves!
Undoubtedly, there are many in my young friend’s shoes. Maybe not all of them are faced with a career dilemma. Some are dithering on relationship decisions as well. All I have to tell anyone who’s torn between “what’s right and what’s wrong” – as a decision – is to do whatever they feel is the best for them. Which again is defined as what gives them happiness. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is right. What we call as a great decision that resulted in us getting or doing something valuable, is really an amazing confluence of place, time and opportunity. So, when a decision works for you, you learn what to do! And what we call a mistake is the same__a combination of place, time and opportunity__this time to learn about what not to do.
When we let go of our fear and insecurity that our decisions may be wrong, and let go of our need to be right every time, we will find inner peace, happiness and success – in that order!