There is no lack of love in the world. You don’t find it because you are looking for it in the wrong places.
A friend feels that she has gone far beyond the “normal marriageable age” and is worried stiff that she is still single at 40. Her family adds to her sense of insecurity by painting dark scenarios of how lonely her Life will become in the next 20 years. Hearing her share her predicament, I wondered if she was actually sounding like Mahendra Kapoor in Kismat (1968, O.P.Nayyar, S.H.Bihari, Manmohan Desai)! On a more serious note, I believe if people say they can’t find love in Life they are probably looking for it in the wrong places.
First let us understand that being in love (as in the context of two people and their romantic liaison) need not necessarily entail marriage or living in together. True love is when you can relate to someone. And often you will find many, many, many people who you can relate to if you can drop conventional definitions of what your companion should be like.
A friend of ours has been in a bad marriage for 35 years – of which, in the last 20 at least, he has been living separately. He has still not got a divorce from his wife because they spar every time they discuss it. He is 60 now. 4 years ago he found someone, who is 20 years younger to him, who brought meaning and joy into his Life. She has a daughter in high school and our friend has a daughter who is married (she just had a baby girl making our friend a grandfather!) and a son who is 30. Our friend and his lady friend have come to an understanding that they enjoy each other’s presence in their lives. And at the end of the day, he says, he feels cared for and happy. “Sex is important. Physical intimacy is required. But I don’t need to live in with her for these. We are celebrating each other’s presence in our lives. Our companionship means the world to me,” he adds.
This maturity and pragmatism is required when you are looking for love. Just because, per our social framework, a marriage is deemed as “sacred” and “mandatory”, it doesn’t mean that those who can’t either get married or stay in a marriage are “unholy” and “anti-social”. It doesn’t also mean that people who are single are incapable of receiving love or of loving another.
Here’s a disclaimer: I will never know what it means not to have companionship in Life. If there is something that I feel blessed about in Life it is the friendship I have with Vaani and the beautiful journey we share. So, forgive me if my perspective here does not come from personally relating to the experience of those who are seeking love in Life. Even so, I feel, from just looking around me, there are so many, many people out there who are wanting and waiting to be loved. If you drop your fixed ideas of who will make a great companion, you may well find love and companionship in a nano-second!