Be detached from the outcomes – and you will be happy

AVIS-on-Happiness

In your dropped catch moment, learn to smile!!

Whatever you lose or is taken away from you, simply, let it go!

In yesterday’s IPL X Final between MI and RPS, when MI’s Krunal Pandya dropped Ajinkya Rahane’s catch off the bowling of Lasith Malinga, it looked like the dropped catch would cost MI the match. While frustration was writ large on the faces of players and supporters alike, with MI’s captain Rohit Sharma apparently howling in disbelief, Malinga smiled. And that’s the way he is. Whenever he is hit for a boundary or when someone drops a catch off his bowling, Malinga smiles. There’s an evolved, detached quality to his response to a competitive, aggressive, often frustrating, sporting moment.

And I simply love that quality.

AVIS-Viswanathan-Just-smile

It always reminds me of the simplest way to understand, appreciate and celebrate the transient nature of Life. The point Malinga’s smile is making is, don’t take anything seriously. Definitely not what you fail at or what you lose. And don’t cling on to your success, your glory, your rewards, your recognition either. After all, you can’t take anything with you when you depart from here. So, why exult, why mourn?

People often tell me that bringing this attitude to Life is difficult. And I don’t think so. Whenever you are in the grip of a frustrating situation, your own dropped catch moment, just ask yourself if that loss, that frustration will matter some years from now. Ask if it will matter when you die. It most certainly will not. So, let that feeling of frustration go. Don’t attend to it, don’t cling on to it. Just smile. Bring the same logic to moments of personal achievement too. Life happens through you, for you, but not because of you. If you remember this truth about Life you can always be unmoved, non-frustrated, and like Malinga, smiling!

 

Learn, unlearn from failures and can them!

Welcome failures. Embrace defeats. Celebrate losses. And learn from each of them!
When you have lost, failed and have been defeated, you have nothing more to protect, cling on to or fight to save. You are free. This freedom is what will give you wings. You are now entitled to your privacy. The world doesn’t want failures. So you are left alone. This is the golden hour then. Instead of grieving that no one wants you, experience this moment of liberation. Use this time alone to think, re-think, learn, unlearn, review and to re-energize yourself and your game.
This doesn’t come easy. You will be tempted to wallow in self-pity. It is comforting always to grieve and sulk than to get up, dust yourself and walk. But by brooding over what is over, you are only punishing yourself. Instead forgive yourself for what has happened and how you played. The truth is unless you forgive, unless you let go of that situation in your mind, you cannot move forward. This applies to any situation. You lost a business deal. You lost money. You lost a friend to a misunderstanding. Someone stabbed you in the back or you were let you down. In almost of these situations you respond, subconsciously, saying, “How dare so-and-so do this to me?” Instead respond with a daring to be happy with the situation, with the person that caused the situation, with yourself. Daring to be happy is an uplifting, appropriate and courageous response. It is proof that you have chosen to be happy despite the situation. Whoever said that a failure or loss must be met with unhappiness? It is just the way we have conditioned ourselves to be so far. Break free from such deceiving conditioning.
Here are some reasons why you should be happy in lost or losing situations: Because you have nothing more to lose. Because you have so much to learn from your defeat. Because you have the opportunity to challenge destiny and try winning one more time. Because you have the option of being happy. Because defeat is inevitable in any pursuit in Life. Because defeat, like winning, is impermanent.
Choosing happiness over sorrow, in the face of defeat or failure, does not mean lack of aspiration or lower self-esteem or lacking in will power or failing to reflect and learn. It only means while summoning your will power, when reviewing and learning, when drawing on your self-esteem, you are choosing to do it with a positive frame of mind__being happy__than in grief. So, in whatever situation you find Life has placed you currently, don’t go by your past conditioning. Once you learn from them, can and junk your failures. As the famous campaign for Coke goes, “Open Happiness”!

Don’t fall for the bait and get attached to outcomes – stay detached!

Stay detached from the outcome of your efforts and you will be at peace. Detachment really means to be unmoved in any situation – success or failure, victory or defeat.

Picture Courtesy: The New Indian Express/Internet
Team India’s Captain Cool, M.S.Dhoni, reminded us yesterday, yet again, why he is such a rare human being, player and leader. After India’s comprehensive defeat at the hands of the Aussies in Sydney in the 2015 ICC World Cup semi-final on Thursday night, Dhoni said: “Of course we are disappointed not to be in the final, but then only one team can win. Australia played better cricket today (Thursday). The Cup did not belong to us. We took it from someone and someone else will take it from us. If we had played better cricket on this particular day, we would have won.” This is the simplest, most logical explanation anyone can give in any situation like the one India finds itself in – they played a great World Cup campaign, winning seven out of seven games until losing in the semi-final. Also, when you do badly and lose a game, there are only learnings, never justifications. And finally, staying detached – as Dhoni is and has always been – from the outcome is the best way to preserve and nurture your inner peace.
Indeed, like sports, Life too is competitive. But no matter how hard you work, and how ethical you are, there will be times when you will not get what you want or perhaps even deserve. And there will be other times when you will be successful. In either situation, stay detached. Remember this: Life happens through us, never because of us. So, when we succeed at what we are trying to achieve, stay unaffected by the accolades. And when you fail at something, or rather when someone else succeeds in your place, choose again to remain unruffled. In the game of Life, someone will necessarily have to win. And it need not always have to be you!
To be sure, however, on the spiritual plane, success and failure, victory and defeat, mean nothing. Everything is transient, everything is a mere experience, and if you pause to reflect deeply, everything is an impermanent illusionary experience! So, don’t fall for the bait and get attached to outcomes – stay detached. In any situation, you have only your efforts to focus on and count on. Here’s how you deal with your efforts:
       Good efforts and you succeed at the task – take it easy
       Poor efforts and you succeed at the task – take it easy
       Good efforts and you fail at the task – take it easy
       Poor efforts and you fail at the task – take it easy
Take it easy every which way. Learn every single time. Remember this too: as Dhoni recounted and the Bhagavad Gita says, “Nothing belongs to you. And nothing will be with you forever. What is yours belonged to someone else yesterday and will belong to yet another tomorrow!” So, stay detached. Stay in peace.