What we can and must teach our children

The truth about Life

What goes around comes around

In today’s Podcast I share two episodes from my Life, almost two decades apart, to tell us why I believe compassion works.

Listen time: 6:12 minutes

Why we must not get stuck with the ‘naseeb’ or destiny question

In today’s Vlog, I share my personal experience and learning on why dwelling too much on questions relating to fate, destiny, karma and ‘naseeb’, and overanalyzing Life, can be debilitating. I strongly recommend that we live the one Life we have fully!

Viewing time: 3:25 minutes

Gift yourself inner peace by leaving some situations unbattled!

Ask yourself, every time, if you really need to fight?

In continuation of my blogposts from yesterday and from the day before, I have an additional perspective to share on fighting the good fight while remaining unmoved and untouched. And which is to always ask yourself first, before getting embroiled in a conflict, “Do I really need to fight this person or this situation?” Assessing whether you must fight at all is a great way to retain your sanity and inner peace.

To be sure, not all situations require you to confront them and fight. In fact, on a spiritual plane, the best way to win any battle is not to fight at all. There is a way how, in Life’s scheme of things, what goes around comes around. So, cosmic retribution works – and works like a song. Even if you don’t take up cudgels against someone’s unfair methods, Life eventually will. This is how Life operates. But even if you don’t buy into this point of view, just the awareness of how much energy you will conserve by avoiding a fight should serve as motivation enough for you not to dive headlong into battle. But walking away from conflict is never easy. Your mind will keep reminding you that you must fight. It will entice you into battle. So, understanding your mind and training it to obey you is crucial. This comes, like almost everything else in Life, with practice.

I have, through training my mind, learned to look at every conflict situation dispassionately. I ask myself each time if my ego will be pampered when I fight. And if it apparently will be I don’t fight. I don’t try to teach someone any lessons either. Not anymore. I have learnt that we must press a matter only if we believe that highlighting an issue will help a larger cause or more number of people connected with the issue. So, this means, I no longer have any interest in settling scores with people who have been unkind and unjust to me. Or simply, I trust the process of Life and leave most situations, well, for want of a better word, unbattled.

This has helped me immensely in many ways. But most significantly it has helped me in my strained relationship with my mother and siblings. (Read more here: Fall Like A Rose Petal). I have learnt to be non-judgmental through the process of choosing to not fight. Being this way is truly remarkable – the amount of inner peace it has delivered unto me is immeasurable. So, now, I have developed a great detachment with these relationships – and, important, there’s no feeling of either being victimized or wanting to avenge anything or anyone!

Leaving a situation unbattled really means gifting yourself inner peace. It means choosing happiness over unhappiness and suffering. It means, simply, living intelligently!

Nothing is out of step, nothing is out of place!

Celebrate the imperfections in Life.

What you see as an imperfection is abstract art from a cosmic view point. Everything is exactly where it should be, the way it should be and your view of it too is exactly what it should be.

We all hate imperfections, don’t we? A rushed shave in the morning that shows up by noon as a darker, more evident stubble. Imperfection. A poor old, homeless woman on the street, out in the cold and seeking help. Imperfection. People in a corrupt administration using up government funds allotted for AIDS prevention to buy cars and furnish their apartments. Imperfection. A spouse who fails to understand you. Imperfection. A boss who hates empowering and recognizing any subordinate. Imperfection. Everywhere that you see, you will find these evident signs of imperfection. You may think that it is a cruel, sadistic world and you may wonder how the Universe thrives despite these imperfections. But if you had the capacity to understand the intelligence that powers the Universe, you will see that every little thing, everywhere, is thought through and so, everything is really in its place, the way it should really be!

This past week Chennai has been getting some very bizarre amounts of rainfall. For instance, on Tuesday night, it rained 5 cm of rain in under an hour. Everyone here, still dealing with the ghosts of the December 2015 floods, thinks something’s wrong because the North-East monsoon is still a few months away. And obviously something is wrong! Except that the actions that led to this radical climate change are not natural. They are, in fact, nature’s way of protesting that we are not being responsible. So, in effect, climate change is the price we pay for our callous attitude towards our planet. I see the whole Universe operating as a live example of ‘you reap what you sow’. Or what goes around, comes around!

And so the imperfections in your Life, in society, in the world__from a skin ailment to female infanticide to global warming__are really outcomes of our own doing. While the casual observer will not see the connecting pattern behind each imperfection, the one who is awakened, will see and seize the opportunity to learn and course-correct. This is why imperfections must be celebrated. Because they are teaching you, me and successive generations the way to intelligent living. So, nothing is out of place, nothing is out of step and all that you see wrong in your world is the Universe’s way to lead you to what’s right for you!

Two hungry men, a loaf of bread and how compassion works!

What goes around comes around.

We watched an outstanding Kannada movie U-Turn made by the very talented Pawan Kumar (who also made Lucia in 2013) yesterday. U-Turn is an edge-of-the-seat crime thriller. But it also leaves you with a spiritual perspective to ponder over – doesn’t Life always catch up, don’t your actions always come back to haunt you or bless you depending on what you have done? I have experienced this all my Life. I even talk about several instances of ‘what goes around comes around’ in my Book – Fall Like A Rose Petal (Westland). I have come to realize that all retribution and reward happens in this lifetime only. In a sense, as I see it, every moment is judgment day and the more good you do, the more abundance you attract into your Life. And the more you falter as a human being, there’s surely a price you end up paying for your actions. I don’t know if there is an after-Life. I don’t know if the Law of Karma works the way they say it does. But I know for sure that whatever you do comes back to you in equal measure.

I recall an instance from when we were visiting Guruvayur in Kerala several years ago. I had just bought a full loaf of bread so we could feed our son Aashirwad (who was barely a year old then) once we got to our hotel. But as our car backed up, a man, who looked hungry and lost, came up to my window and said: “veshakunnu”. It meant “I am hungry.” I didn’t think. I just handed him the loaf of bread. It was a spontaneous gesture. I just did it. My parents who were with us were shocked at what I had done. Vaani however smiled at me approvingly. As we drove along we stopped at a bakery and bought another loaf of bread.

I didn’t think much of the whole episode after that. In fact, I didn’t even recall it for 17 long years.

In February 2008, when our business problems had snowballed into a full-blown bankruptcy, I had to make a day trip to Hyderabad to meet a prospective customer. I used my Jet Privilege miles to buy my air ticket. We had no money. That day, in fact, the administrator from Aashirwad’s school called to remind me that his last term fees for the academic year had not been paid. It was the last day for fee payment and I was told that without it being paid he would not be allowed to sit for his 12^th standard Board exams. I remember calling up our accountant from Hyderabad and asking her to sell a laptop we had in the office to raise the cash and pay the fees. I was exhausted after meeting the client and after dealing with the fee payment crisis. It was well past 2 pm. And I was hungry. In fact, I was famished. I had exactly Rs.900/- with me after paying for a full day’s parking for my car at Chennai airport that morning. Of this Rs.900/- I had to spend Rs.870/- to pay off the Indica cab I had hired for the day. I wanted to retain the Rs.30/- till I reached home – just in case! So, I decided to starve and grab whatever they would serve me on the flight – but that wasn’t going to be until after 8 pm! I told my cabbie to leave the car’s AC on and asked him to go have his lunch.

As I sat in the car and distracted myself by reading the morning’s newspapers for the nth time, my phone rang. It was a friend who I had SMSed in the morning asking if he would be free for a quick coffee as I was in his town! Now, this gentleman had not responded to my SMS. So, I did not even know if he was free, available or willing to meet when he called. The first thing he enquired was if I had had lunch. And when I told him I had not, he insisted that I show up a restaurant near his office in Secunderabad. I tried protesting feebly. But he shut me up. I went to the restaurant and we had a sumptuous meal from a buffet spread. When the check arrived, I told him how embarrassed I was that I could not afford to pay. He reached out, held my hand and said: “Listen, you have always paid whenever you have visited me. Let me do it this time. I was thinking I may not be able to see you today. But a scheduled meeting got postponed, just a few minutes before I called you, giving me this window to do lunch with you.”

I had no words to thank him. I don’t know if he saw me tearing up. When I got on the plane later that evening, I closed my eyes and reflected on the entire episode. And I wondered how we were managing as a family in this ghastly, nightmarish, cashless time. And yet we were miraculously surviving each day – soaked in abundance and blessed with the compassion of people around us, like this friend in Hyderabad. Did we deserve so much goodness in our Life, I asked myself? That’s when the hungry man’s face in Guruvayur flashed in front of my eyes. And I quietly thanked him, even as tears welled up in my eyes, for giving me that opportunity to serve him that day.

It’s been over 8 years since that awakening moment on the flight from Hyderabad. Our crisis endures. But Vaani and I continue to plough on – only because we are helped by the kindness and love of the Universe and its beautiful people. I really don’t know if Karma works. But I know compassion sure does!

‘Karma’ or no ‘karma’, simply take Life as it comes!

Your being good or having integrity does not necessarily mean you will not have to face Life’s upheavals.

I am often asked if karma has a role to play in our lives. Honestly I don’t know if karma works the way people believe it does. Karma is best understood as the law of action – of what goes around coming around. But I am not sure if the law works the way Hinduism and Buddhism profess it works – that it is “the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences”. Since no one I know, who has died, has ever come back to tell their tale, I prefer only taking this lifetime into view. From what I have seen, experienced and learnt, yes, what goes around often – may not always – comes  around. So, if this is karma, then it works. But if you ask me if we carry over credit and debit balances from previous births, and into future births, or states of existence, well, I have no first- hand experience. Nor do I know anyone who has one!

Then how does one explain “goodness” in Life being met with or “rewarded” with pain or tragedy? Or simply, why do “good” people have to go through Life’s trials and tribulations?

My answer to both these questions is that there’s nothing called “good” or “bad”. Who says anyone, or anything, is good or bad? It is a human point of view – this good or bad argument. It is society that sticks the label on an event or a person. Or it is a person who does it to himself or herself. If things go your way, you call the going good. If they don’t you say things are bad. But look at Life from Life’s from point view. There’s a design and the design is playing out. All the problem is arising only because we humans don’t have access to Life’s design – to the Master Plan. So, we analyze and theorize and come up with karmaand such related arguments. None of this, in the larger scheme and design of your Life, or mine, really matters. Consider it objectively. Of what use is it knowing if you are paying for actions of a previous birth or existence? Or what use is it to be forewarned that you may pay for your actions in a future existence? Seriously, such awareness and information is purposeless. What matters is, are you present in the now, in this lifetime of yours, are you living in the moment, fully?

Mohammed Thahir with his parents Picture Courtesy: The Hindu/Internet/M.Vedhan

Here’s an interesting case in point. This morning I saw a story in The Hindu of a 33-year-old man, Mohammed Thahir, who had given up his seat to an elderly couple in an unreserved compartment on a train two years ago; within minutes of his “good deed” he was pushed out of the overcrowded coach and the train ran over his legs. The doctors had to amputate both his legs. For the last two years, the man and his parents have been running from pillar to post to file an FIR and claim a compensation from the Indian Railways. To no avail. Leave alone the apathetic system we all have to fight from time to time, even if you ask a simple question – did a genuine good Samaritan gesture by Thahir deserve such a heartless treatment at Life’s hands? – there is, and can be, no rational, logical answer. The two events, in Life’s scheme of things, are unrelated: Thahir’s show of respect to an elderly couple; and Thahir being involved in a freak accident. If you leave the two instances unconnected, there will be no problem. But how can you suppress the human urge to analyze, to theorize, to bring in God, to bring in karma? Simply, isn’t it only because we connect the dots and try to over-analyze that we complicate our lives, right?. So, who’s to blame for all the confusion – us humans or Life?

I think whether there is karma or there isn’t karma, you must take Life as it comes. Let your response to what happens to you not depend on how you believe Life’s treating you. Do your bit. Face your bit. And just keep moving on.

Appreciate the sense of cosmic justice that prevails in the Universe

There’s a beautiful, mystical quality to Life. It has its own form of natural justice.

Everything that you or I do comes back to us in this Lifetime. One way or the other. You are kind to people. Kindness pervades your Life. You let down someone. And someone lets you down in return. You touch a Life with love, compassion and care. And people touch your Life the same way.

I was moved by a story Javed Akhtar, the famous and immensely soulful Bollywood lyricist, poet and story writer, shared on his TV show ‘Legends’ on Zee Classic recently. The year was 1966 and Javed saab was a struggler in Mumbai. He had no job and no money. And nobody wanted to check his work and worth out. In those days, he made the acquaintance of the then famous lyricist and Urdu poet Sahir Ludhianvi (1921~1980) and had begun to treat Sahir as his mentor. One day, he lamented to Sahir how desperate he was for a break and how he was on the verge of being thrown out of his house, because he had not paid the landlord for months. Sahir apparently took out Rs.200/- (a princely sum in 1966!!) and giving it to the young Javed said: “Keep this. You will get a break soon. Until then, this will help you survive. Return it when you are able to.” As luck would have it, Javed did get a break the following week and has never had to look back, financially at least. Over the years as Javed’s career in Bollywood peaked, he would often meet Sahir in parties and industry forums and even worked with him in a couple of movies __ where Javed was writing the story and Sahir, the lyrics. Javed would openly state that Sahir’s ‘shagun’ (goodwill money) of Rs.200/- had indeed broken the jinx for him and so, he would not return the money out of fear that his luck, and good times, would run out! Sahir, in return, would often rib Javed saying, “I know how to take this back from you. One day, mark my words, I sure will.” On October 25^th, 1980, Sahir suddenly died of a heart attack at age 59. Since he was not married, and he left behind only two sisters, Javed and couple of other friends arranged for his burial. Sahir, in his last years, had really not had much work and so was out of cash personally. The burial over, as the friends came back to Sahir’s house and were reviewing next steps__of clearing up the worldly belongings that Sahir had left behind__the undertaker from the Juhu (a downtown Mumbai locality) Muslim cemetery came up to the door. Javed opened it and was told by the undertaker that the cost of the burial service was Rs.200/- and that he needed to be paid. Javed had rushed instantaneously upon hearing the news of his mentor’s demise, and so he had not carried his wallet, but he had exactly Rs.200/- in his shirt pocket! When Javed paid off the undertaker, he recalled with his eyes welling up on the TV show, the realization dawned on him: “Finally, Sahir indeed took back the Rs.200/- from me,” confessed Javed saab!

As it is said in the Bible, “What goes around comes around!” (Genesis 29: 1-30).

Osho, the Master, tells us this other story that highlights the same learning. There once lived a very skilled blacksmith in ancient Rome. His name and fame had spread to far-off nations. His creations were selling like hot-cakes, in far-off marketplaces. Gradually, an enormous amount of wealth began to gather at his doorsteps. One day, Rome was suddenly invaded. The invaders demolished Rome, and captured the top hundred citizens. Amongst the top hundred citizens, the blacksmith was one. All of them were handcuffed and chained, and were taken and left on a faraway hill to die or await their execution. Among the 100 prisoners, 99 were crying. Only the blacksmith seemed to be calm and composed. He knew that the moment the soldiers abandon him in the hill, he would easily unlock the handcuff and the chains. He had that skill. So, the moment the soldiers abandoned him and left the first thing he did was to look at the handcuffs and chains that imprisoned him. He was shocked with what he saw. With his handcuffed hands he started beating his chest and began to wail in remorse. What did he see in the handcuff and the chains? A very strange thing which he had never imagined he would ever see in his Life! He had a habit to emboss his signature on whatever he created. And that is what he saw on those chains and handcuff, his own signature. They were his creations, which had got sold in some far-off marketplace, and eventually had come back to him through the invaders. Now, for the first time he became nervous and paranoid. He knew it was impossible for him to unlock himself, because he had never created anything weak. He was well acquainted with his creations. He had always designed and created the strongest and the best objects. Obviously, he had never imagined or dreamt that that the handcuff and the chains he had created, would one day imprison him. Osho teaches us the moral of this story thus: “No man ever foresees the fact that the chain and handcuff he has been creating, will be the very chain and handcuff of which he’ll be ultimately held captive. No man ever dreams that that the cobwebs he has been weaving are the very webs that he will eventually get entangled in, in his Life.”

So, appreciate this sense of natural, cosmic justice! Make sure you understand this and live intelligently__always doing good!

What goes around comes around

Whatever you do, you will reap the benefits or consequences of your actions in this lifetime itself.

This morning I got news that my father’s younger brother’s wife had passed away. I have an un-ignorable, unforgettable connection with this family. Years ago, my uncle, it was alleged, had forged my father’s signature to seek a loan, by pledging the family property, from a bank to grow his business. His business moves didn’t yield expected results and he could not redeem the property from the bank. When my parents got to know of this, they sought to take swift and determined action to stake their claim for their share of this pledged property. I was just 20 then, and was a cub reporter with The Indian Express. My mother insisted that we file a police complaint for cheating against my uncle. As a journalist, I had built strong contacts within the police force. So, I ensured that my father’s complaint against his brother was taken up directly by the then Commissioner of Police, Chennai. My uncle was immediately arrested for forgery and cheating. Obviously, when my aunt came to know of this development, she was distraught. She pleaded with me and my parents not to take such precipitate action and offered to resolve this issue soon. But my mother would not agree to this even though my father and I were willing to withdraw the complaint. My aunt locked herself up in her home and threatened to commit suicide. I remember that night vividly – it was pouring in Chennai; my father and I pleaded with my aunt to show restraint and went to the Police Commissioner’s home on my scooter, and sought his permission to allow us to withdraw the complaint. The Commissioner was very upset with our inconsistent stand on the complaint but finally relented. And just as my uncle was being taken to jail in police custody, we managed to secure his release. The property issue was resolved by my uncle in due course. But this episode, naturally, split my uncle’s family from mine – forever. It is possible that my aunt and uncle never forgave me for my role in this sordid family drama – for, without my influence with the police, my uncle may never have been arrested – even if it was, effectively, only on paper.

Years later, in the context of my Firm’s bankruptcy and my personal insolvency, when I had to be in a police station owing to a complaint filed by a friend over my inability to return the money I had borrowed from him, this incident of my uncle and aunt came to haunt me. I have recounted the episode of me being picked up by the cops, late in the night, in my Book – “Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money” (Westland, August 2014). But I haven’t shared my perspective on “What goes around comes around” in this context until today. When I got the news that my aunt had passed away, I sent her a silent prayer. And sought her forgiveness one more time. Sitting in the police station and thinking of the consequences of my friend’s complaint against me that night in 2009, and again on subsequent occasions when I was summoned to the police station, I have always thought of this truth – that you reap what you sow. All your actions have to be accounted for in this lifetime itself. Some say that karma works. Others believe in the concept of heaven and hell. I have understood from my experiences that you have to face the outcome or consequences of your actions – right here, in this lifetime. Period. The good that you do comes back to you. And the harm that you cause – wittingly or unwittingly – to anyone, to even nature, comes back to teach you lessons that you have to learn.

My own learning is simple. Let us not judge people. If we can, let’s please avoid hurting anyone. Even if someone harms you, cheats you, just let go. Whether you accept it or not, whether you believe in it or not, there is cosmic retribution – and it works! But if you must act on a situation, follow the due process of law – let it take over. I don’t say all this from the point of view of avoiding fearful consequences. Consequences are consequences – and every action will have one! Fear is an emotion that we bring to a situation. I am saying this from the point of view being able to deal with Life a lot more simply. People, and that includes you and me, always do what they believe is right. We all make choices all the time. Some of them work in our favor. Others don’t. Nobody is good or bad. Everyone is a product of the time they are going through. If you have to do something, by all means do it, but remember, what goes around will come around!