What Sridevi’s death teaches us about Life

Life hai…kuch bhi ho sakta hai! – It’s Life…anything can happen!

Like almost everyone else, Vaani and I too are still coming to terms with Sridevi’s sudden, tragic, death. We have been reading up every possible – credible – piece of information that has had a fresh perspective to share on what exactly happened to her.

And then, a couple of days ago, we came across this Blogpost by Bollywood trade analyst Komal Nahta, who is believed to be a close friend of Boney Kapoor and Sridevi. If we go by Nahta’s account of what happened in the final couple of hours of Sridevi’s Life, it appears that even as Boney Kapoor was surfing TV channels in the living room of their suite at the Jumeirah Emirates Tower Hotel, waiting for Sridevi to get ready and join him; so they could go out for dinner, Sridevi was drowning in a bathtub – in the suite’s master bedroom, barely a few feet away from him! And he could do nothing, nothing at all, to save her.

I read and re-read Nahta’s Blogpost. Only to conclude that everything about Sridevi’s death is so unreal, so bizarre. What are the chances someone can drown in a bathtub, in one of the most premium (and therefore considered safe) hotels in the world? What are the chances that a loving, doting, caring husband, can be completely oblivious of his wife drowning, even as the tragedy happened, especially when he was within shouting distance of his wife? What are the chances that you say you will “freshen up and come” and actually die in that time – in under 15 minutes – by drowning in a bathtub?

But such is Life. It is so totally, totally, inscrutable. I am reminded of Indeevar’s deeply contemplative lyrics from that iconic song in Safar (1970) rendered in Kishoreda’s immortal voice (music: Kalyanji Anandji)…“zindagi ka safar…koi samjha nahin, koi jaana nahin…” . Life is indeed totally, totally, inscrutable. And this morning, I read this equally bizarre story of this man, literally, waking up from the dead! It made me conclude, yet again, that anything, absolutely anything, can happen in Life!

The more I go through Life, the more I experience it, the one indisputable truth that strikes me repeatedly is this – no matter who you are, you have to go through what you have to go through. You just cannot negotiate with Life over your Life’s design. As I see it, in Life, it is always what it is. You have to bear your cross. And you have to live through the design that Life has planned for you. In fact, as it appears to me, Life’s Masterplan has no flaws!

Consider the late Sridevi’s Life again – her design took her from obscure Meenampatti in Tamil Nadu and made her a pan-Indian screen diva; then the same design forced her into near oblivion, after she married Boney Kapoor and they had Janhavi and Khushi, for 15 years from 1997~2012; the design then brought her to centerstage again with English Vinglish (2012) and Mom (2017) and, posthumously, the same design ensured she was feted, in memoriam, on the Oscar stage this past Sunday! And yet, despite all her greatness, her fame, her glory, this legendary star drowned, helpless, in a five-star hotel’s bathtub? Well, clearly, that’s how her Life’s design willed her story to end!

I have realized that our material success – particularly our ability to earn an income using our talent and skills – makes us believe that we control our Life. The truth is that we never were, we are not and we will never be in control. Life is always in control. It keeps on happening per its inscrutable, unique, design for each of us. It often takes a crisis, an event that defies all logic and cocks a snoot at our problem-solving abilities, or death, to shake us awake from our stupor and remind us that it is not us, but Life which is in control. When we realize this, we too learn to be accepting of the Life we have and learn to go with the flow.

There are no two ways with Life. It is only what it is. You are always playing only with the cards that Life has dealt you. And then, when your time here is up, when your name is called, you stop your game mid-way, even if it is in the middle of a bath, and leave! So, approaching Life with humility and a sense of amazement are perhaps the best way to live it well. Humility, because Life is the Higher Energy (which is why I always spell Life with a capital ‘L’) that powers everything in the Universe; and amazement, because you never know what hand you are going to be dealt next! After all, Life hai…kuch bhi ho sakta hai!

Sahir Ludhianvi’s Life anthem for Dev Anand can be yours too

The key to living happily is to be willing to experience Life in its myriad forms.

A young actor I met the other day wanted to know why we can never understand Life. He asked me, “The spiritual path excites me, but I am not sure it offers us an explanation that can be reasonably, logically understood. So, is Life really a mystery or is it a scientific process?”

The answer is that it is neither. It is a grand experience made up of several million experiences.

As the famous song sung by Kishore Kumar from ‘Safar’ (1970, Asit Sen, Indeevar, Kalyanji Anandji) goes: “Zindagi Ka Safar…Hai Yeh Kaisa Safar…Koi Samjha Nahin…Koi Jaana Nahin…” It means, “what kind of a journey this is, of Life, it is so inscrutable…” So, surely, the debate will rage on, on what Life is. But that debate’s immaterial to the reality that Life will go on, giving each of us myriad experiences in our lifetimes.

The Greek word ‘philosophy’ means love of knowledge. From an ancient Indian point of view, we have not used the word ‘philosophy’ much. Here, we seek ‘darshan‘ or we attempt to ‘see’, to awaken in realization, to the truth of being part of a larger whole. To scientists, Life is about conquest, about unraveling and controlling, replicating the method behind what is; to philosophers it is about reasoning the mystery of what is. Spiritual insight implores us to know that because there is, something, a whole, that there is a conquest possible or a mystery surrounding it exists! Ultimately, all disciplines teach us to learn and evolve from, in and through Life.

Interestingly, I was among the audience yesterday at a conversation centered around Akshay Manwani’s biography on poet and songwriter Sahir Ludhianvi (1921~1980). Yesterday also was Dev Anand’s death anniversary. As I write this blogpost, the song that Sahir wrote for Dev saab in Hum Dono (1961, Amarjeet/Vijay Anand, Jaidev, Mohd. Rafi) comes to mind: “Mein Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya, Har Phikr Ko Dhuein Mein Udaata Chala Gaya…” It means, “I just went with the flow of Life, letting go of my worries…” I am told that Dev saab retained this song as his Life’s anthem till he passed on in 2011. It can be yours too. It’s a beautiful reminder that the key to living happily is to be open and willing to experience Life in its myriad forms – good-bad, bitter-sweet, bright-dark, summer-winter, ups-downs, happy-sad, bliss-sorrow – and to go on experiencing it. The more we experience Life, and the more we accept and learn from each experience, the more it becomes easier and simpler to live. It is because we resist some experiences that we suffer. Life is like the beautiful, seductive, bountiful ocean. Each experience we go through is like a wave; it may perhaps be right to say a wave has ended by crashing on the shore, but it also marks the beginning of a new one. And that’s why the ocean of Life itself remains inscrutable, magnificent and infinite!

PS: If you liked this blogpost, please share it to help spread the learning it carries!

Clearly, it is not “Zindagi ka ‘suffer’…”, so take it easy, and laugh at it all…!

Life’s humoring you every moment. So, refuse to take it so seriously!

Someone called me yesterday and wanted to know if I will be available to address members of an organization that he was heading. He wanted to know if my Fall Like A Rose Petal Talk would be a humorous one. He said the members of his organization may be looking forward to humor too in a keynote address. Now, people often imagine that a story like mine, of a bankruptcy, may be too “serious”. So, perhaps, his question was coming from that angle. I didn’t mind his question at all. I have come to realize that nothing ever is serious in Life. And, therefore, Life should never be taken seriously at all!

In fact, most people miss the point! Think about this. You came empty-handed. You will go empty-handed. If you will depart from here empty-handed, think of the futility of clinging on to anything in the hope of saving it – including your Life! You just can’t. Think of the futility of this Life – which, as Osho, the Master, says is a cosmic joke. Nothing that you acquire in your Life – your qualifications, your relationships, your money, your assets, can go with you. So, isn’t it all a joke? Then, why do we take ourselves and this Life that we have so seriously?

I like to see Life as a means of having fun with the unknown. In every moment, the unknown is manifesting itself. Just enjoy the uncertainty. Don’t analyze. Don’t try to make sense of Life. Simply be. Simply enjoy the journey of Life.

So, I replied to the gentleman’s query thus: “Sir, the Buddha has said, ‘when you know how perfect your Life is, you will look up at the sky and laugh’. I often look up at the sky and laugh! Because, despite the lack of material evidence of prosperity in my Life, I am soaked in abundance. I believe my Life is perfect as it is, the way it is. I laugh a lot!”

I am not sure you will share my perspective to Life here. But I find that, whether you are in the throes of a crisis like Vaani and I are, or whether you are in the middle of leading the Life that you believe you wanted and so you created it, either way, it is one big cosmic joke. You will go away with nothing. And nothing, including you, will survive Life, or will remain here. So, why not just laugh at it, and humor yourself? Surely, when Indeevar (1924~1977) wrote those famous lines in 1970 for ‘Safar’ (Kalyanji Anandji, Kishore Kumar, Asit Sen), he clearly did not mean “Zindagi ka ‘suffer’….” 🙂

 

 

It is only through catharsis that you evolve spiritually

The inscrutability of Life makes it magical, beautiful and worth living.

Yesterday, we attended a satsang, a communion, where a few people had gathered to share their Life stories and explore the possibility of learning from each other’s experiences.

There was a man, in his thirties, who had implants in his spine following an accident. Physically, medically, he was deemed to have perfectly healed – but practically, everyday living-wise he was immobilized. There was a brand and positioning expert who had launched several memorable brands in his 30 years in advertising, but was struggling with getting his never-before, never-again, disruptive product off the ground. There was a surgeon, who was an expert in his space for 20 years in UK and Australia, but who had hit a career low – no patients – ever since he shifted to India six months ago with the idea of serving the needy here. There was a brilliant vocalist and voice coach who trains thousands of people each year but had not quite been able to launch his own career as a musician. And then there was Vaani and me.

There was a common thread that connected all stories – none of the people in the group knew what to do about their situations. So, the sharing and the conversation that followed explored what faith and hope meant to each of us; it was a beautiful, uplifting and left all of us energized.

As I went to bed last night, I thought about the satsang – it offered me an important perspective on Life. If we knew all the answers to all the questions that confront us, if we have solutions to all the problems we are faced with, won’t Life cease to be challenging? Without a seeking, without the quest, how can there be any progress? Education empowers us with knowledge, but Life empowers us with experience. And experiences where you are clueless about how to deal with certain Life situations teach you humility and help you discover your inner strength, your resilience. It is only through catharsis that you grow up, that you evolve spiritually.

I have understood that you don’t have to have all the answers to live your Life well. You don’t even have to stop asking questions just because you don’t have the answers. Just learn to accept that when you don’t know what to do, when you don’t find the answer you are looking for, it doesn’t mean that your Life – the one that you desire for yourself – is eluding you. It only means that the Life you have is the one that you are meant to have. So, simply accept it as it is and live it well! Then, despite being unable to make sense of your Life, you will find it interesting enough to live!

Treat everything that comes your way with respect, acceptance and gratitude

Keep enjoying and experiencing the journey of Life, learning from it, every step of the way.

This whole lifetime is, at one level, meaningless. There’s no success. And no failure. When you die, you take nothing, not even memories of your experiences. You may wonder what’s the point then in living – earning, creating, saving – when you can’t take anything or anyone with you when you die? But this is the truth. This is the way it is. None of us knows what’s after death. So, we can only ensure that we live this one Life that we have well. This means we treat everything that comes our way – sadness, joy, love, anger, fear, passion and peace – with respect, with acceptance and with gratitude.

In his immortal poem “The Guest House”, Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi, the 13^th Century Persian poet says, receive both Life’s sorrows and joys with respect, greeting them at the door “laughing” and “invite them in”, for each has been sent as a “guide from beyond”. There’s only one reason that I believe there is to describe why we go through so many experiences in our Life – and that reason is to teach us to be humble. What education, success, fame and money do to us is that they all make us, even if subconsciously, arrogant. We start gloating over how well we have planned out lives, how much we are in control and how well we have crafted our own tiny worlds. And then, in one fell swoop, Life changes everything. It’s like a wave that comes and sweeps away a sandcastle that a child has built on the beach. For some of us, these waves come multiple times and with each blow, with each upheaval, we become more and more humble – and yet, we become more and more resilient!

That’s all there is to Life. Don’t cling on to anything. Neither your sorrows nor your joys. Take everything as it comes. If possible, during the time that you have here, on the planet, touch another Life, make a difference. That’s the only way to create meaning in an otherwise meaningless Life! Because, when it ends, when death comes, your lifetime will be a memory for those who knew you, and for you…it may, well, just mean nothing.