Bus Yehi Ek Life Hai!

In today’s Podcast, I appeal that we must not get confused by theories that lead to wasteful analysis of a past Life or of a future one. We must just live this one Life fully! Listen time: 5:00 minutes

Why do we squander precious lifetime chasing things we can’t take with us?

This whole world is besotted with everything else except what it must truly obsess over!

Mutely witnessing the goings on in Tamil Nadu politics, I can’t but wonder how much materialism has caught people in its vice-like grip. Sasikala’s vow to “avenge” at Jayalalithaa’s Samadhi yesterday reeks of such a debilitating, unevolved point of view. Ego, the desire to control, the greed for money, power – all of these are evident in the manner in which she “slapped” her erstwhile friend and mentor’s tombstone. This, even as she was getting ready to go to jail to serve a jail sentence! This, after holding not just 100+ elected representatives hostage, but after holding a whole state’s constitutional machinery to ransom over wanting to grab power. And what about the elected members of the state assembly? What have they subjected themselves to – don’t they even realize they have a fundamental responsibility to serve their constituents? More important, don’t any of these people want to learn a lesson from their recently-departed leader that despite all her success, all her glory, she finally left empty-handed, not able to take any of what she achieved or gained or accumulated – including the infamous disproportionate assets that Tuesday’s Supreme Court ruling talked about over 564 pages – with her?

All this is so unsettling at one level when I look at it as a citizen who is concerned at the state of the polity and democracy. And it is all so banal when I view it as human being who is on a limited-period, single-entry visa, on this planet!  Why don’t people get it, I wonder? Why don’t people get it that they only have this one Life – to live fully, to be happy – and yet they squander away precious lifetime in chasing what they can never take away with them? And they do all this chasing, often at the cost of others, and while being intrinsically unhappy and suffering themselves!

Let us not fail to pick up a key lesson ourselves from all this apparent madness in Tamil Nadu. I am reminded of a song Mujhe Naulakha Mangaadere  from Sharaabi (1984, Prakash Mehra, Amitabh Bachchan, Bappi Lahiri, Kishore Kumar, Asha Bhosle) in which the lyricist Anjaan, listing the different types of intoxicants that people are addicted to, says ‘bring me someone who is not “drunk”’… “…nashe mein kaun nahi hai, mujhe bataao zaraa, kise hai hosh mere saamne, to laao zaraa…”! Indeed, so drunk we are about earning a living, solving our problems, worrying, suffering, so steeped in stupor we are about wanting to control everyone and everything, that we are missing the magic and beauty of the Life we have. Unless we stop clinging on to material things and live happily with what we have, with what is, we will forever be living with insecurity, worry, grief and guilt. And that should explain why we suffer, why we are unhappy.

Therefore, to me, Sasikala and the AIADMK’s theatrics over the past 10 days have only been a metaphor. One that reminds me that this whole world is besotted with everything else except what it must truly obsess over! And that obsession must be over making each moment of your Life count. By living it fully, meaningfully, happily.

Happiness is the ability to sleep well each night, grateful that you have what you need – food on the table, a roof over your head and something to cover yourself. Everything else is a frill. The more you cling on to the frills, the more drunk you are, the less obsessed you are with living. And when you are too drunk and you don’t sleep, well, that’s when you have a hangover!

 

Cognac, Ilayaraaja, Bappi Lahiri and Anjaan raise a toast to the ‘high’ Life!

Be ready and willing to be amazed, surprised, in each moment!

A friend from the US chatted with me on FB messenger the other day. He was listening to songs of Ilayaraaja and was drinking cognac. He said he was happiest when listening to music composed by the genius; and apologized if he ‘sounded’ high. I replied saying that I am perpetually high – on Life!

In fact, I truly am. I totally believe in the line that lyricist Anjaan wrote for Mujhe Naulakkha Mangaade Re O Saiyan Deewane in Sharaabi (1984, Prakash Mehra, Bappi Lahiri, Kishore Kumar, Asha Bhonsle): Nasha Sharaab Mein Hota Toh Nachti Botal! The song is, incredibly, 10.56 minutes long and the line comes at the far end of a memorable interlude by Kishore Kumar. It means: If the intoxicant really was in the liquor, then the bottle ought to have been dancing!

I have often thought deeply about that line and Life itself. My key takeaway from the song, apart from other intoxications in Life that the poet Anjaan is alluding to, is this line – it reminds me that Life is itself so intoxicating, so wonderful, so magical, so beautiful!  In fact, when people ask me how I don’t tire of such a challenging Life that Vaani and I are leading (read more here: Fall Like A Rose Petal), I always say that I see Life as a bunjee jump. An adventure. People take up adventure sports, like bunjee jumping, for instance, because it gives them a thrill, a high! But a bunjee jump delivers an artificial high – quite the way alcohol does! In Life, you are forever taking a deep dive into the unknown. In a bunjee jump, you dive with the surety that there is a safety harness fastened to you, so you know with certainty that you will be hauled back. In Life, there is no physical harness. Your sense of security can only come from trusting the process of Life. From believing that if you have been created you will be provided for, looked after and cared for.

If you reflect on this perspective you will discover that this is the way to live intelligently. Those who want Life to be only a certain way are sure to suffer because Life always unfolds in the most unpredictable, inscrutable manner for each of us! So, isn’t it far, far, more commonsensical to just embrace Life in whatever form it presents itself?

Those who learn to look at Life this way, as a deep dive into the unknown, as an adventure, live it fully! They seek no guarantees. They are never unhappy – because they have learnt to not expect anything from Life. They are ready for anything; they are willing to face Life for what it is, the way it is, whatever be the circumstances in which they are placed! So, my little secret of living a Life free from suffering, no matter what, is to be on a perpetual high! Which really means I am ready and willing to be amazed and surprised by it in each moment!

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Of Rithvik, Sandeep, you and me – and why comparisons are always wasteful!

Just let the song in you play – it doesn’t really matter what others play or have to say!

The past few days we have been doing a round of the free kutcheris on the Madras Music Season circuit. I don’t understand Carnatic music the way it should be – I don’t know how to identify ‘raagams’, I don’t know the nuances of the art form, I don’t know the compositions, in fact I know precious little about the genre. Yet I lose myself whenever I find any music moving me from within. Immersion, I guess, works for me with music, more than academic understanding, more than being a connoisseur. The concerts this season that I have so far been to featured the veteran Hyderabad Brothers and the young, happening, Sandeep Narayan and Rithvik Raja.

Sandeep and Rithvik have both been guests on my popular Bliss Catchers Event Series. Sandeep is a disciple of Sanjay Subrahmanyan; Rithvik has been learning from T.M.Krishna. According to me, both the young artistes are very versatile, hugely talented singers. But I often find people comparing them to their gurus and to each other. I find such comparisons really misplaced and quite unnecessary. Someone who was in the audience in Sandeep’s concert remarked that he’s “better” than Rithvik – and “that’s because Sanjay’s better than TMK”. A FB post remarked that Rithvik’s “soft-natured rendering” was “nothing” in comparison to Sandeep’s “aggressive” stage presence. Then there are those who lament about how TMK does more things than just sing. And how they hope “at least” Rithvik will stay the course on music. Of course, there are those who swear by TMK, and “therefore”, by Rithvik. They are quick to add that Rithvik will emerge as the numero uno soon!

To those soaked in the fever of the Music Season these comments may appear to be part of the usual sabha canteen banter. But to me they are symptomatic of a social trend, a malaise – which is to treat Life as a race, as a competition, where someone necessarily has to trounce someone to win; which also means that one has to always be better than the rest! I know Sandeep and Rithvik personally. And I see no such streak in them to compete at the cost of the other. I know their gurus too and I have never sensed that they may have inculcated such a crass urge in their disciples. Simply, to me, comparing people and passing judgment is truly the bane of our times.

Why can’t people just be allowed to be who they are? Each one is unique. And has an individual way of expressing themselves. Why don’t we celebrate that expression than invest time in analyzing and drawing meaningless inferences? This tendency to compare people does not restrict itself to the Carnatic music scene alone. In every walk of Life people are expected to be like others. Junior Bachchan, Abhishek, is always measured through the prism of his father’s greatness; just as Parineeti Chopra is often judged against Priyanka Chopra’s popularity and performances. Or consider this one: isn’t Asha Bhonsle a better singer than the more feted Lata Mangeshkar, because Asha continues to be relevant at 80+? Virat Kohli is always reviewed basis two benchmarks: Dhoni’s captaincy and Tendulkar’s batting genius. Already the hyper-opinionated janata darbar, a.k.a Twitteratti, is debating whether Ravichandran Ashwin can ever be better than Erapalli Prasanna or Bishen Bedi! NaMo’s chest-thumping is always seen as “superior” compared to Manmohan Singh’s dignified silence. To be sure, comparisons are not a new-age, social media phenomenon. Social media is only a new platform that makes comparisons, trial by public, judgments, both visible and rabid. As a child I was always asked by my parents why I couldn’t be like my cousins – who studied well, who got good marks and who never gave their parents any “tension”. Even now, in fact, I guess this issue rankles my parents, that I am unlike my “well-settled” cousins; that I am in debt and that I am yet to carve out a retirement plan or create assets (Read more on why my parents may feel so here: Fall Like A Rose Petal).

But why? Why does one have to be like someone else or be better than another? Why can’t one just be who she or he is?

A tragic fall-out of this tendency to compare people is that pretty soon, subconsciously, the urge to review yourself basis others creeps in; you start taking those social pronouncements seriously. If someone has more likes or followers than you have, you feel disillusioned. If you have more than others, you think you are the child of a bigger God! But please remember, either pole is a risky one to climb and hold on to: if you consider yourself better than someone, beware of hubris; and if you think someone’s better than you, beware of jealousy or depression getting the better of you! Bottomline: comparison is a zero-sum game; it ruins inner peace!

Going back to where I started, using the music analogy, let me just remind that there’s a song in each of us. And yours is unique to you, as mine is to me. So, why not just let it play? Won’t more original music, from more people, make our world nicer, merrier, happier?

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What the genius ‘musafir’ Pancham’s Life teaches us about our own

You cannot escape what’s in store for you in Life – you have to bear your cross, no matter what!

Google reminded me that it is R.D.Burman’s 77th birthday today. Panchamda is my absolute, all-time, favorite. He passed away so suddenly 22 years ago with so much music still left in him.

During the last 10 years of his Life, the man who ruled Hindi film music in the late 60s, all through the 70s and in the early 80s, struggled to get work. Bappi Lahiri’s disco music had taken over and nobody wanted to touch Pancham. Not even Nasir Hussain, who had consistently used RD for all his films that included (and followed) Teesri Manzil (1966). Hussain let his son Mansoor Khan have his way and signed up Anand-Milind for his production Qayyamat Se Qayyamat Tak (1988), which famously launched Aamir Khan’s and Juhi Chawla’s careers. Interestingly, Panchamda got no National Award in his entire career and won only 3 Filmfare Awards (out of a total 18 nominations) – Sanam Teri Kasam (1983), Masoom (1984) and posthumously for 1942 – A Love Story (1995). Observers and chroniclers of Hindi cinema say that RD died a beaten and heart-broken man because he felt the industry that he gave so much to, “abandoned him and moved on with the times”.

Anyone who has heard Mera Kuch Samaan  from Ijaazat (Gulzar, Asha Bhosle, 1987) or Dhanno Ki Aankhon Mein  from Kitaab (Gulzar, RD himself, 1977) will agree with me that RD is sheer genius. In fact, long-time collaborator, lyricist and director Gulzar refers to Pancham’s Life as an “era that began and ended with him”. To be sure, RD, Gulzar and Kishore Kumar together produced magic and the collection of the songs they created together would rate as the finest and most brilliant ever in Indian cinema. Why then should such a genius have had to go hunting for work? Why then should he be spurned by the same film-makers who once queued up at his door? Why then should such a celebrated artiste die a heart-broken man? Well, while there is no straight, logical answer to these questions; the only one I can muster is that “such is Life”!

Indeed. Such is Life. What goes up will come down. And what goes down will come up again. So, RD’s Life teaches us, yet again, to appreciate the impermanence of everything. Name. Fame. Wealth. Success. Glory. And even failure. Because, though he died wanting to be celebrated again, posthumously, RD is now worshipped. Such is Life! What I have learnt is that we must keep going with the flow. Be humble and be happy for all that you have. When you get what you want in Life, be grateful. When you don’t get what you want in Life, or when you get what you don’t want in Life, be accepting. Don’t fight Life. Don’t become bitter. You are born untouched by worldliness. Live untouched. And go away untouched. Success and failure are both worldly labels. Don’t let them get to you. As they seem to have gotten to RD in his last years. To quote my favorite RD number, again written by Gulzar, and sung memorably by Kishore Kumar, be like that ‘musafir’ (wanderer/voyager) from Parichay (1972): Musafir Hoon Yaroon, Na Ghar Hai Na Tikhana, Mujhe Chalte Jaana Hai, Bus, Chalte Jaana…!!!

Gulzar, a Siddha yogi, Indeevar and the value in embracing pain

“…jeene ke liye, socha hi nahin, dard sambhalne honge…”

“I never thought I have to deal with/manage pain to live Life!”

This line is from the soul-stirring, famous song, “tujhse naaraaz nahi zindagi…”, from Masoom (1983, Shekar Kapur, R.D.Burman, Gulzar, Lata Mangeshkar; male version by Anoop Ghoshal). I stumbled upon this song, which is among my all-time favorites, yet again, this morning. And I instantly sent out a prayer in gratitude to Gulzar saab…only someone who has seen Life, felt pain and experienced inner joy, can write with so much depth, and yet keep it so simple, so lucid. This line holds the key to why we struggle with Life.

Almost all of us have encountered pain__and have resultantly suffered__without being prepared for it. As kids, our painful moments would be anchored and cushioned under the protective care of our parents. But we are socked and numbed by the first episode of pain in our adult lives because we have never been educated about the true nature of Life in our early years. We haven’t been told that:

• Life never guarantees any fair-play
• Life will keep on happening to us – no matter what we want or expect
• Pain in Life is inevitable
• The only way avoid suffering is to accept the pain and not resist it
• When you choose not to suffer, you are happy

A Siddha yogi who I met some years ago taught me how not to resist pain. I had gone to meet him with Vaani. I was totally beaten, demotivated and confused with my Life at that point in time. And the man told us: “Embrace your pain. It is trying to teach you something. Learn from it. Don’t fight it. Don’t resist it. Let it just be. It will go away the same way it came. Treat it with dignity, as if it is a ‘guest’ in your Life. Don’t hate it. Embrace it.”  Though I initially found his advice preposterous and absurd, over time, I came to appreciate how much truth and wisdom it contained.

Let me explain it the way I have understood it. You can’t choose what happens to you in Life. Life keeps on happening irrespective of either your wants or your expectations. When what happens to you matches your wants or expectations, you willingly accept Life for what it is. But when the unexpected and the unwanted happens, you resist Life, because this ‘unwanted guest’ is causing you pain. It could be a simple headache or a job loss or a cancer or a relationship break-down; anything that arrives uninvited causes pain. Now the event, the happening, as such does not cause you any suffering. Yes, it brings you pain. But your suffering is your own creation. And you are suffering only because you are resisting whatever is happening to you. So, when I internalized the yogi’s point of view, and I learnt – rather cultivated – the art of embracing and accepting my pain, I stopped suffering.

And that brings me to another great lyricist Indeevar and the sage lines he wrote for Samjhauta (1973, Ajoy Biswas, Kalyanji-Anandji, Kishore Kumar):

“…samjhauta ghamon se karlo…zindagi mein gham bhi milte hain…” meaning “…learn to embrace/compromise with your pain/grief…for you will encounter pain/grief in your Life…”

So, stop struggling with Life and decide to end all your suffering. Whatever be your source of pain, just accept it and embrace it. When you choose not to suffer, you can only be happy!

Jo Bhi Hai, Bas Yahi Ek Life Hai…!

Don’t worry about death or Life after death. Focus instead on living this one Life well!

People often have this question: Why do ‘bad’ things happen to ‘good’ people? And, with some exceptions, they always also ask: And why do ‘good’ things happen to ‘bad’ people?

The questions themselves need review. What is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ is subjective. What you may see as the right thing to do may be wrong from another’s point of view. And what you see as wrong, may seem perfectly right to someone else. I believe that these questions arise because of the ego being active in each of us. For instance, you are ethical, sincere and diligent. Yet, when you don’t get a promotion or a raise, your ego incites you to question the situation. It implores you to see someone else who has managed to get that raise as one who is ‘inferior’ to you on the work ethic scale. This is how this game of demanding fair-play from Life pans out. To be sure, it did not begin at the workplace. It began at home, in school, when parents or family pointed out to you that ‘Life has not been fair to you’. Over the years, you have only been led by your ego to continue to view Life this way.

Pause and reflect a bit. Did you ask to be born? This Life was “given” to you, wasn’t it? And at the time of birth did Life make you any promises? Did it say your Life will be this way or that? Since there were no guarantees offered, no assurances given, where’s the intelligence in craving for them? The truth is Life keeps on happening. Life sees all its creations as equal. It does not choose its “targets” for “tough examinations” per income or social strata. Life does not see anything as good or bad. Ethics, or the lack of it, make no sense to Life. Whatever Life delivers at your door, you have no choice but to accept it. Your suffering begins only when you refuse or resist the Life that is happening to you!

Religion and the scriptures talk of the Law of Karma. I agree with Osho that this is but a way to ‘console’ ourselves as humanity. The Law of Karma is no scientific law, like say the Law of Gravity. A ball thrown up in the air__whether in Chennai or Kabul or New York or Sao Paulo or Kyoto or Wellington or Kota Kinabalu or Colombo__will come down. We can argue and verify the Law of Gravity – it can be examined. But when the Law of Karma says that we will bear the consequences of our actions in a future birth or we are bearing the consequences of our actions, from a past birth, in this one, I am not sure we can verify or examine the case being made. Who has seen an earlier Life or can be sure to experience another one in the future? In my humble opinion (in no manner do I seek to rubbish the Karmic Theory), and in the limited context of my Life experience – this is the one and only Life we have. This is it. So, live it fully rather than think of your impending, inevitable death or another Life beyond this one!

Each of the events in our Life has happened because it simply had to happen. There’s no merit in qualifying and further analyzing if we deserve what we are getting or are given. Don’t label anyone or anything or any event as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Don’t compare. Don’t ask why. Life’s happening to you 24/7. Just watch it happen. You don’t like what’s happening to you, learn to accept it. You like what’s happening to you, learn to be grateful for it. Drawing inspiration from the lines of a famous song from the 1965-classic Waqt (Yash Chopra, Ravi, Sahir Ludhianvi, Asha Bhosle), I improvise as I conclude: “Aage Bhi Jaane Na Tu, Peeche Bhi Jaane Na Tu, Jo Bhi Hai, Bas Yahi Ek Life Hai…”!!! So, the only way to live Life is to live it happily, for what it is!

“Mud-Mudke Na Dekh, Mud-Mudke…!”

Each of us is a unique aspect of creation. Love being who you are, the way you are!

Someone who had watched the documentary ‘Rise In Love’ (made by a young film-maker Shalu to explore how love thrives in the face of adversity) on Vaani and me got in touch a few days ago. He said the reason for my ability to withstand the pressures of an enduring crisis (‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’, Westland) was that Vaani has stood by me like a rock. “My wife simply refuses to partner with me the way Vaani does with you. I feel lonely and lost at most times. What should I do,” he asked. I smiled and asked him if his mother and the rest of his family understood him. He said they did. I told him that in my case they didn’t. I pointed out to him that each of us has a different, unique Life design. So, comparing ourselves with others is of no use. It is the surest way for us to invite suffering into our lives.

Comparisons, especially in today’s wired, visible, demonstrative world, may seem inevitable. Yet they must be avoided. The way Life operates is that each aspect of its creation has a path and destiny of its own. The only common thread is the divinity, Life itself, that thrives in each of us. Otherwise, everyone’s story is unique. That’s what makes Life so mystical, so magical, so beautiful and so inscrutable. When you compare yourself with another person you are surely breeding jealousy in you. And you are choosing to be miserable instead of being happy. If feeling jealous or miserable about someone’s Life can get you their Life, then it is perhaps worth the effort. But the truth is nothing, absolutely nothing, can change your Life’s design. It is what it is for you. It is what it is for all those who you compare yourself with.

Instead of comparing yourself with others, get on with your Life. Live it your way. Surely, set yourself up against inspiring benchmarks. But don’t get bogged down if you can’t achieve your own exacting standards. Just keep trying. But do all this without postponing living or being happy. Because every moment that you have squandered in comparing yourself with another person, and have felt sorry for or angry with yourself, is a moment you have not lived!

In the ‘80s Hindustan Lever ran a popular TV ad for its best-selling detergent bar Rin: “Bhala Uski Kameez Meri Kameez Se Safed Kaise” (“How is his shirt whiter than mine?”). Their print ad showed two women, one envying the whiteness of the other’s (Juhi Chawla!) sari: “Mud-Mudke Dekhe Sansaar, Super Rin Ki Chamatkaar” (Super Rin’s whiteness will make the world turn around and look at you!”). Such communication did create memorable advertising but clearly this is not the recipe for intelligent living. So, drop all comparisons, let others be who they are, and you go be yourself, love what you do and love who you are. To quote Shailendra’s lyrics from the immortal song from Raj Kapoor’s 1955-classic Shree 420 (Shankar-Jaikishen, Asha Bhosle, Manna Dey): “Mud-Mudke Na Dekh, Mud-Mudke…” (Don’t turn back and look…)!!!